Apathy

Have you ever had those moments where you are suddenly brutally honest with yourself? I had such a moment today. I just want to say thank goodness for the grace of God. He has given me far more than I ever deserved and He continues to put up with me despite my regular short-comings. Anyways, I've been very apathetic of late about spiritual issues. This "apathy" has affected me more than I realized. I am in a relationship with my Creator and I take it for granted far too often. I'm not really sure why I'm apathetic, but I know that haven't made a decent effort of late to change things. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I can't change things, yet, I have this responsibility to uphold my part of this relationship. The book of James says that if I draw near to God, He will draw near to me. If I submit myself to God and resist the devil, he will flee. God has given me soo many promises through His Son, but I refuse to act upon them. So, what are the consequences? Well, my prayer life suffers. My devotional suffers. And even my relationships suffer. God says that if I am faithful in the smaller details of life, I will be faithful in the larger areas. That's scarry! Someday, by the grace of God, I will be husband and a father. I know some of you probably can't picture that, but God has given me the desire to someday have a family. I truly desire to be close to God! Maybe I've been relying on my own strength too much. I am only one man--emphasis on the "man". I'm stuck with this human/carnal/fleshly nature and it sucks. I just need to come back to the basics. Love Adonai with all my heart, mind, and soul! I feel like I'm in a state in which I'm waking up from a dream, but I'm only half conscious. I see glimpses of God and like what I see, but in reality, I'm not there yet. So, tonight I ask you--my brothers and sisters in Christ--to lift me up in your prayers. L'chaim!