t all started around three weeks ago. I had no inclination whatsoever to dwell and meditate on the topic at hand. But, God in His sovereign ways, has seen fit to make me face it, despite my stubborn ways. I’m taking a course in Homiletics (Preaching) here at seminary. We’re required to preach for fifteen minutes on a passage assigned by the professor. The professor announced that we would be paired with a partner in which we’re required to meet with at least once a week for the next twelve weeks. I received the e-mail with the assigned passages which were dispersed in alphabetical order. I scan the list and my name is no where to be found. I inform the professor, he updates the list and places me at the very end. The passage assigned--Ephesians 5:22-33: Husbands and Wives! Now at first glance, you may be asking yourself, what’s the big deal here? Well, to begin with, I’m twenty-six years old and single. What in Hades can I or do I possibly know about marriage! Beyond that, how am I supposed to stand before married people and preach about “marriage”! I felt like I’d been asked to represent a country in far east asia, speaking a language I’ve never spoken. This is ludicrous! Insane! Ridiculous! But, at the same time, looking back, was it really just an “oversight” that I was left off the list the first time around? Or is there something that God is trying to teach me and show me through this! The Calvinist in me tends to lean toward the latter.
I was in my first wedding back in 2002. Best man, actually! Good times. Get to hang out with several close friends that you don’t see on an everyday basis, good food, etc. This would the be the first of nine weddings to come over the next six years. I’ve now had the privilege of being a groomsmen in nine weddings! Insane! I consider it an honor, but honestly, it’s hard not to get “burned” out. I can now say that almost all of my closest friends are now married. Friendships are changed, children are born, life goes on.....Even my twin sister is married now and my older sister got married last year. I became an uncle for the first time two months ago. Moving out here, I have yet to meet my nephew. I feel as if I exist as an enigma in a world of married 20 somethings. Then I reflect on my life and can’t help but ask the question, Why am I not married? It seems so easy for everyone else. They meet someone, go out for a cup of coffee, maybe upgrade to an occasional dinner or movie, man buys a diamond, gives it to girl, have a little ceremony, and bam! they live happily ever after. Why is it that I feel so misunderstood on so many different levels. Is it because my idea of a family vacation is a romp in the woods? Maybe it’s because I love bluegrass and mountain music from my native Appalachia? Maybe it’s the beard! Maybe it’s because I actually enjoy reading Calvin’s Institutes, Augustine’s Confessions, and many of the Puritans--for fun! Who knows. But is it spiritual? I cannot help but get lost in my own thoughts and live in a pseudo-reality in which I try to grasp and understand this concept of marriage and how it relates to my faith in Christ and what He has planned. Am I the only one who struggles with this? I mean, if I’m going to be a pastor and plant a church someday, it would make sense to have a wife who is sold out to Jesus and lives and breathes the Words of life found in Scripture expressed in a life of devotion to reaching the lost and helping the poor and living out the Gospel in every facet of life, including marriage. Even God says that “for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” So, why is it so hard to find the “right” one. What does that even mean? I feel like a song by my one of my favorite bands, the Avett Brothers. The lyrics go as follows:
o you want to be in love like the movies
But in the movies they're not in love at all
And with a twinkle in their eyes
They're just saying their lines
So we can't be in love like the movies
Now in the movies they make it look so perfect
And in the background they're always playing the right song
And in the ending there's always a resolution
But real life is more than just two hours long
So you want to be in love like the movies
But in the movies they're not in love at all
And with a twinkle in their eyes
They're just saying their lines
So we can't be in love like the movies
Well you can freeze frame any moment from a movie
Or run the whole damn thing backwards from reel to reel
But I don't see one single solitary light technician
Or one single camera in this moonlit field
I don't want to be in love like the movies
Cause in the movies they're not in love at all
With a twinkle in their eyes
They're just saying their lines
So we can't be in love like the movies.
And with a twinkle in their eyes
They're just saying their lines
And so we can't be in love like the movies.
Nooooooo
We can't be in love like movies.
Is it really like that? I look around and wonder, how many people really are just putting on show! Is marriage really always like the movies! There’s a sneaking suspicion in my that its not always that way!
I know I’m rambling here, but I have to get this all out! Feel free to tune me out.........
Back to what started all this! I started reading the passage and meditating on the verses. Paul begins in verse 21 by telling everyone to submit to one another in the fear of Christ. Then he goes on to apply this principle in several relationships, beginning with wives and husbands. He tells wives to submit to their husband as to Christ. He then tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. This whole issue of submission can get really nasty, but going back to verse 21, if they are both truly submitted to Christ, then there should be no disconnect between this submission/loving relationship. If the husband truly loves his wife as Christ loves the church, then he will simply want what is best for her and she should have no problem submitting because they are both submitted to Christ. Then Paul throws out this monster curve-ball! He says, by the way, this whole marriage thing, it’s the clearest picture we have of Christ’s relationship to His body, the church! Whoa! Wait a minute. Paul, you’re saying that Christian marriage is the clearest model we have of Christ and the church. This is crazy! Could it be that marriage is first off spiritual and not merely finding a “soul mate” who is physically attractive! I believe that there has to be some connection on all levels, but how many people do you know accept the fact that Christian marriage is first and foremost a privilege to be embraced because you actually are experiencing and modeling what the relationship looks like between Christ’s love for his bride the church. This whole submission/love relationship should be a privilege to be embraced! Christ after all modeled for us to perfection what it is like to submit to His Father, despite them being equal in essence and deity. Nevertheless, He humbly submitted Himself to the Father, even to death!
So, in conclusion, I guess I have a whole new perspective on marriage. I’ve sort of toyed around with these principles and concepts before, but not to this extent! To my married friends, please think and meditate about what a privilege you have of modeling this relationship to the world. To my fellow singles out there, don’t give up! More than likely, God hasn’t called us all to be monks or nuns. Trust in His providence and sovereignty. Even though it may seem that no one truly understands you and every date you go on turns to shallow, narcissistic, meanderings, it may just be God’s way of affirming that they’re NOT the “right” one and that you will be so much more blessed and thankful once you are given the privilege and honor of entering into that covenant relationship before God to model Christ’s love for His church. So, I’m going to go listen to some Avett Brothers now and maybe go for a run or a hike..............
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