today. I die.

Today I die. I’m sick of living a half-hearted, apathetic, woe is me, wallowing in my own filth and sin, nominal, joyless, powerless, defeated life. When I read the descriptions of the patriarchs, the prophets, the apostles, and the saints throughout history, my so called faith is a joke. I live in fear, living a life of self-preservation. Following Christ is not about preserving this life or seeking to find happiness and identity in careers, material gains, comfort, relationships, and fame. In the words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, “When Christ calls a man, he bids Him to come and die.” The apostle Paul says that “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Ga 2.20) If this is true as I confess it to be, then my life should demonstrate this fact. If Christ laid down His life on my behalf and paid the penalty of my sin absorbing the wrath of God, then my flesh is dead. I died with Him and I now live by His Spirit. This life is fleeting and temporary and I don’t want to squander this opportunity to live a life of comfort and ease seeking to live out my pseudo, half-hearted, comfortable American Christianity. I am an ambassador of the Most High King Jesus and He has entrusted me with the only thing powerful enough to save fallen men--The Gospel of Jesus Christ. He asks me to do but one thing, take this to the nations and make disciples. Simple. Yet, I allow fear of death and persecution to keep me from taking this to the far reaches of the globe. I count my life of more value than those who have no hope. I’m not sure where or how this will play out in my life, but God is stirring in my heart. I’m ready to renounce all that I have held of value and take the Gospel to those who are unreached. I desire to send and mobilize teams of others who have counted this life as nothing and desire the eternal crown of glory that far outweighs this present suffering. There’s a very good chance I may die or preach the funerals of many who gave their lives to see the advancement of the Gospel. This is where the rubber meets the road. Am I willing to go? Will I lay down my life for the sake of Christ so that others may hear this message of salvation? I cannot do this in my flesh and it will take an act of grace and power of Christ in order to see this come to fruition. So, friends, I ask that you join me in prayer as I seek to live what Christ is beginning to do in my heart and life. Christ is all I have and at the end of this life, He is all that matters. For too long I’ve allowed the passing things of this world to grasp at my heart and it has taken a trial of immense pain and hurt to get me to this point in which I submit myself follow Christ no matter what the cost. Today, I pick up my Cross and I pray I never look back. There will be more to come as this is only the beginning. “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.” (Mk 8.35)