a war and a wedding

“The message of the Bible teaches us that life is a war and a wedding. Life is a war--a grand adventure in which God calls us to die daily. Life is a battleground--an epic quest to join God in the ultimate defeat of his archenemy--Satan. Life is a wedding--a passionate romance in which Christ calls us to love intimately. Life is a battle for our love--the ageless question of who captures our heart--Christ or Satan.”

R. Kellemen, Soul Physicians: A Theology of Soul Care and Spiritual Direction, 15.

I read this quote earlier today and I couldn’t help but pause and meditate on this truth. I think over the past few months, I have definitely experienced the spectrum between war and love. I always had the desire to love, but I never realized how hard the battle would actually be. Furthermore, I tried to fight in my own strength which is futile. This is the epitome of pride. Instead of dying in order to live, I decided to wage my own battle and ran headlong into a wall of grief and tragedy. Like a loving Father, God eventually had to intervene and say ‘enough is enough.’ I cannot and I will not bless sin. You are attempting to live life in the flesh and this is producing nothing but grief, strife, and eventually death. So, the chastening begins. Like any soldier, we must go through training and discipline before we are fit to engage in battle. If we enter into this war called life in our own strength, we are bound to fail miserably.

One passage that has really spoken to me of late is Hebrews 12:5-12. It says:

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Although I didn’t realize it at first, I can pretty safely say that I have experienced an intense season of disciplining from my Father. I’m honest enough to say that it is not a fun-filled experience and probably one of the harder things I’ve ever faced in life. But, in the grand scheme of things, I know that it is for my good. This was in His plan to make me stop and realize some things that I had not dealt with. You see, sin does not merely effect you, but it has both a vertical and a horizontal dimension. It is always first and foremost an insult against God and His holiness and secondly there is always a ripple effect. If we are His children, God will not allow us to continually insult His holiness or hurt those around us that He has placed within our lives to love and care for. He is much more concerned about our holiness than our happiness. Many times the only way we can experience true joy, love, and holiness is if we are first made aware of the depth of our sin and flesh and how much Christ has done for us. We must first lose all faith in ourselves before we can place all of our faith in Christ. If we do not respond to the positive teaching through the Word, then God has no choice but to discipline us and train us to engage the battle through His strength not our own. Life is a war.

But life is also a wedding. I remember a time when I desired nothing less than to be a man of character and represent Christ to all whom I encounter. I prayed fervently that He would give me the opportunity to share His love through a relationship that would hopefully end in marriage. The opportunity has since come and gone, and somewhere along the way, I took my eyes off of Christ and placed them on myself. And when you take your eyes of Christ, you no longer have the ability to truly love others. You stop sacrificing and begin to serve yourself. The results are tragic. I relied on my own strength and like any idol, at some point it must all come crashing down. I really wish things would have worked out, but I know that God in His purposes had other plans. I think I now know that there is never love without death and there is never peace without fighting for it. Although the pain of past regrets and failures are still very real, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m beginning to gain back that passion and fire of becoming a man of character. I’m finding the joy of redemption and forgiveness in Christ. I long to become a man who exhibits the characteristics of a Kingdom citizen as taught in the Sermon on the Mount. I desire to produce the fruit of the Spirit that leads to life and peace rather than the fruits of the flesh that lead to death. All of this is a battle, but the war must be waged. If we are going to experience the passionate romance that Christ has called us to live out with our bride, we must first experience with Him.

O God, may you give me the grace to fight so that I may love!