esse quam videri

The Christian life is a life of paradox. It never ceases to amaze me how much of my life is spent as a total lie. I have labeled myself a "Christian" or "Little Christ" if you will, but I rarely live as if Christ were an active part in my life. I think I've mastered the art of appearing as if all is well as it should be and God is good and I have the perfect life public and private et cetera, et ctera. By God's grace, I still can minister and touch lives by His Spirit that indwells me, but I soo strongly want to be at the place where I can honestly take a look at my life and say that I am giving it my all to fight the good fight, to finish the race, to be transparent, and to actually live out what I teach and proclaim. There's a Latin phrase that says esse quam videri or to be rather than to appear or seem. I'm at the point in my life where I'm sick and tired of trying to be someone that I'm not. Guess what, I'm still a sinner. I still live as if I'm in bondage. I choose to go back to the very things that Christ set me free from. Why? I cannot figure it out. I can spend my whole life analyzing the "how to's" and "follow-this-model" and the "five steps to having a perfect fulfilled Christian life" garbage! Guess what, there is soo much more to being a believer than all these man-made formulaic bull-crap equations. I feel as if we have narrowed the Bible down to a mere book and have imposed our Western mentality of formulas and equations and models to the point where we don't know how to manage an actual real-life relationship with Christ. Not only is He God, but He's also a person who can relate to us in every form and has experienced every type of temptation know to man. The Bible actually says that He can sympathize with us. Now that is mind-blowing--we have an actual relationship with The God who can actually put His arm around us and just hold us and say that He knows what we are going through. In fact, not only does He know what we're going through, but He also tells us it is our job to represent Him to unbelievers so that they can see Him in us! Grace, grace. That's the only thing that is keeping me from certain damnation and separation from God in hell. He has given me soo much and I choose to proceed with my own worldly passions and greed in spite of all He has done. Who am I trying to impress? My focus needs to be on how can I live my life each and every day so that I don't miss the opportunities for others to see Christ! I've allowed my life to become a "me" centered gospel, rather than Christ centered. It's time that I start becoming transparent in all areas and realize that Christ already sees me with Him in eternity and that I have a citizenship that is not on this earth, rather I am an ambassador of a greater kingdom and this is merely a temporary dwelling place in which I have been called to share with others the living gospel of my Lord Jesus Christ.

"Father, I confess that I have not been living the gospel of late. I have been living one way in public, while my heart has been far from you. May this be the first step to representing you in a way the is true and give me the passion to live out the life of Christ to each and every person I come into contact with each day. You have given me soo much more than I deserve. May I never forget what you've done and what I've been called to do, Amen!"

Poor and Needy

It's hard to believe that this is my last full week in Colorado for this summer. It seems as if I just arrived, but in all actuality, I've spent the past three months in these majestic mountains known as the San Juans. God has been faithful and I've learned a lot. Most of all, how incapable I am in and of my own strength.

Matthew 5:3 says the following: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." The word for poor used in this verse is the same word used of Lazarus the beggar in the parable with the rich man. It entails complete spiritual poverty. Beggars during the days in which this gospel was written would crouch in the corner with an outstretched hand and they were so destitute and embarrassed that they would often cover their faces with their other hand. They were totally dependent on others for their entire sustenance. Another word for poor used in the gospels is that of the woman who donated her two small coins. Although she was poor, she still had something to contribute. I feel it is very interesting that our Messiah chose to compare us with Lazarus. We are nothing in and of ourselves. We're nothing more than spiritual beggars crouching in the corner. Our entire sustenance must come from God. True spiritual growth must begin with this foundational premise. It's only when we acknowledge that we can do nothing in and of ourselves and that God is the One who gives us the ability to minister for His name can we truly begin the sanctifying process of being molded and conformed into the image of our Creator. Yesterday I was reading Psalm 86 and I found it very interesting that David begins with acknowledging His needy position. He says the following: "Incline your ear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy." This was in the midst of David's life in which he was running from many ruthless and insolent men who had risen against him. He began his prayer with stating the fact that he was poor and needy.

It's only when you get to this point that God can truly begin to build you into the image of His Son. May this be my prayer!

L'chaim!

As you probably all know, Israel is in the midst of its largest offensive in twenty-four years. Europe and the liberal media would like you to think that Israel is in the wrong. It is our duty as American citizens and Followers of the Way to support our ally in their time of need. Pray for the nation of Israel during this time and for the peace of Jerusalem. L'chaim!

Wake up!

I cannot believe that summer is already nearly halfway over. It seems like I just arrived out here in Colorado. God is good. He's been teaching me a lot this summer and I'm definitely being stretched. He is reaffirming some things in my life and I'm really craving the Word and spending a lot of time in personal study. Life is a crazy thing. There are so many paradoxes. Yes, the Bible says that we are citizens of heaven, but we're also residents of this earth while we are here. We have a responsibility to go into the world and make disciples. What am I working for? Is my goal simply to rack up on spiritual rewards at the judgment seat? That's futile! I don't want my motivation to be rewards, I want to serve Christ out of love for Him. He was willing to lay down His life so that I would not have to spend an eternity separated from Him in hell. Living in America is just as much a curse as a blessing as far as I'm concerned. I hate to say it, but I'm halfway tempted to pray for persecution so that the believers in this country will wake up. I guarentee that if we experienced persecution the issues we argue about would cease to be an issue. Love would truly become unconditional and like the early "Followers of the Way" we would see a need and meet a need no matter how much it cost us. It's time we wake up and get our head out of our butts. Apathy has dominated Christianity in this country too long. I have to agree with A.W. Tozer when he says that we view the world as a playground rather than the battleground that it is. That's the American mentality. We are way too comfortable for our own good. There are millions of our brothers and sisters of the Way who are dying for their faith by the minute. That's an awesome and beautiful thing in the sight of God.

Colorado Beauty!

Well glory! Greetings from Colorado where the skies are blue and the mountains are huge. I have now been out here for one week and things are going well. God has been stretching me and teaching me things that are rocking my world. It was a bit of an adventure in getting out here, but God is in control and I arrived right on time at 8AM in the morning to begin training. We hit the trail right away and had five marvelous days of backpacking in the San Juan Mountains in southwest Colorado.

God has blessed us with a great staff who are excited to be here and I know that I can't wait to start the ministry with the campers. I feel very focused at this time and I feel that God is going to do big things through Redcloud. Be in prayer that we keep the faith and don't give up!

To end with a spiritual note, I was reading Isaiah's vision the other day and this verse stuck out to me. Isaiah 6:7 says the following: "And he touched my mouth and said: 'Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for." What a promise! We no longer stand condemned before God. He has taken away all of our guilt and His sacrifice has atoned for our sins! Praise God. I pray that this finds you all well and I'll keep you updated this summer on all that God is doing

Boldness

The more I study the gospels the more I realize one thing in particular. Jesus did and said things that no one would dare do or say. He was a "jaw-dropper". The boldness with which He would proclaim the truth and the situations in which He found Himself in was handled with poise and power. What really interests me, is that the early church, possessed that same mentality. Peter and John were called before the Jewish leaders for healing a forty-year old lame man who had been begging for alms outside the temple for probably the better part of his life. The leaders wanted to know by what power they had healed this man. Now, mind you, these are the very leaders that Christ would have appeared before during His trial and crucifixion. The passage continues and declares that Peter was filled with the Holy Spirit and he said the following: "Rulers of the people and elders, if we are being examined today concerning a good deed done to a crippled man, by what means this man has been healed, let it be known to all of you and to all the people of Israel that by the name of Jesus of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead--by Him this man is standing before you well. This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. And there is salvation by no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."

Can you picture the jaws drop? These are the same men who days earlier had fled in fear of these very leaders. Something had changed. These men were different. Not only were not running in fear, but they were standing defiant to the religious leaders of their day. The leaders were so dumbfounded that they couldn't find any fault in Peter and John for healing the man. They wrap the meeting up and tell them that they are not to speak or teach in the name of Jesus.

I love Peter and John's rebuttal. "Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard."

I want that boldness! In the face of opposition and possible persecution, Peter and John felt so strongly about the truth that they had no choice but to continue to live and proclaim. They continued to meet in the temple and the church continued to grow. The apostles truly had become like their Master. Jesus didn't back down to the leaders and neither did His disciples at this time. I pray that I will be faithful to do the same.

Late night rantings and mutterings.

Well, well, it's 2AM and I just got home from work. I hate it when I get home this late and have to get up for an 8 o'clock class. I'm so stinkin' wired right now it's ridiculous. It's like trying to come off a high or something. Not that I would know what that's like. I believe I did have a coffee hang over once. Me and three other friends drank three 12 cup pots in like three hours. I woke up the next morning and I was still jittery. So, what do we do? Make more coffee of course. I guess it's like the saying goes--"drinking yourself sober." I quit drinking coffee two weeks ago--cold turkey. I had to undergo some very intensive cardio tests on my heart. I got the final results in from the nuclear stress test yesterday. It was negative. Yes! Something just doesn't sound right about injecting anything "nuclear" into your body. Probably causes cancer, or, better yet--a nuclear spontaneous combustion. That would be going out with a "bang"--punn intended. Anyways, back to coffee. Yes, good 'ol coffee. Like I said, I quit cold turkey two weeks ago, but I started back up this morning. It tasted soo good. It's like an alcoholic relapsing. It only takes that one drop on your tongue and all hades breaks loose. I think I'm a full fledged coffee addict. Oh yeah, how can I forget. Graduation is exactly one month away from yesterday. Can you believe it? I'm actually going to be walking down that aisle. That's sounds scary. Me, walking down an aisle? Like I'm getting married or something. Anyways, it'll be a short-lived ceremony--the graduation, of course, not the wedding. And I'm not getting married as of today. So, I have to leave for Colorado the afternoon of my graduation. Staff training starts that Monday and it takes a solid twenty-four hours to get out there. I think I'm actually already there vicariously. My mind is at least. I can't wait to hit the trail and strap on the snow shoes and get sun poisoning. Wait, did I just say sun poisoning? I don't want that! Last year my lips got torched and my neck peeled twice because it was so burned. I never wore chap stick until that point. I literally looked like I had spent a month on Everest. It was disgusting. I hope my lips never get sunburned again.

Well, I'm getting tired now, so I think I'm going to try to grab some Z's. Night!

Follower

Today in chapel the speaker spoke on a passage that I am very familiar with, but hadn't meditated on in a while. In Luke 14 Jesus addresses his followers and procedes to give them a challenge on the cost of being his disciple. He first addresses the issue of people or family. He says that unless you hate you father and mother, brothers and sisters, you cannot be my disciple. Now, I know some of you are thinking that can't be. What in the world is Jesus talking about here. Being a disciple of Christ is a high calling. I believe what He was trying to get at was that if you hold anything in a higher place of importance or priority to the point that you are not willing to follow Him, then you are not worthy to be called His disciple.

I believe we have done ourselves a disservice by not understanding the Jewish mindset and culture in the time of Christ. To become a disciple of a rabbi was the ultimate achievement of any young Jewish boy. It was a life-time commitment in which he would leave all that he knew to live and study and seek to model their lifes and teachings after the rabbi who chose them. You see, Jewish boys would study in a synagogue until they were around the age of fourteen. At that time they would present themselves before a rabbi and the rabbi would drill the young boy in all the interpretations and teachings of Torah. After this took place, he would either be deemed worthy or unworthy to follow or become the disciple of that rabbi.

If the boy was found unworthy, then he would go home and begin learning a family trade. To have a rabbi choose you meant that he believed that you had what it took to become his disciple. Think about this in light of what Christ has done for us. We as believers have been called to be his disciples. He believes that we have what it takes. Not only that, but he has commanded us to make disciples. If we are going to be effective in this life, we must begin looking at people not for what they are, but for what they can become in Christ. We must believe that by the grace of God they do have what it takes to be His disciple.

I know this is just a short breakdown, but it was a fresh reminder to me to do more and to stop holding back.

Proclaim!

The age we are living in has been defined as "post-modern". For those in my generation, that is perhaps all that we have ever known and been accustomed with. In our society diversity is praised along with tolerance and pluralism coupled with religious syncretism. This pervasive thinking has infiltrated every area of our life and thinking. We are programmed by our culture to live in open mindedness to anything and everything. What truth is to you is whatever you want it to be and for me to say otherwise, I'm wrong.

It's funny, however, when it comes to Christianity (even though I hate stereotyping the word), our society is very intolerant. They preach tolerance, but when it comes to a religion that claims absolute truth, they are willing to turn their backs on everything they stand for and go to any means possible to eliminate or destroy this claim that there is absolute truth.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that at some point believers are going to have to approach this issue head on. I believe Jesus taught about such a thing when He took his disciples on a retreat to Caesaria-Philippi just prior to the transfiguration. The city was known for their pagan worship of the Greek god Pan. There was a crack in a cliff linked to a grotto or underwater river or spring in which the locals believed that spirits would travel back and forth to and from the underworld, or hades. They coined the name "Gates of Hell" for this crack or gate as they saw it. The city was renowned for it's Gentile paganism which included promiscuous ceremonies that went to the extent of committing sexual acts with goats. A devout Jew would not be caught near such an unclean place. So, why did Jesus decide to take His disciples to this ancient "Red Light District"?

Do you remember the coversation He had with His disciples during this tenure? He asked them, "Who do people say that I am?". The disciples responded with, "Some say you are Elijah, some say you are John the Baptist, and others say you are a prophet." Then He directs the question to them and Peter replies, "You are the the Son of the Living God".

Think about the contrast between the pagan, dead gods that would have been freshly on the minds of the disciples. Their God was living and alive. He was the Messiah who was the promised deliverer.

Christ would then respond with, "You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it".

I personally feel that Christ was preparing His disciples for the reality of the future without Him. They would not shy away from the evil in their culture, rather they would confront it and not even the most wicked evil would stand against it. The reality of the age we live in is similar I believe. Should we as believers (myself included) sit back and allow the culture we live in to dictate the way we live our lives, or, should we like the disciples confront sin for what it is. We are the "Church" and the "body of Christ". I feel that now more than ever we have the responsibility to take the gospel and confront the culture we live in. We may face ridicule or even persecution at times, but remember the Word says that "all who desire to live godly will be persecuted".

I pray that I will be faithful in proclaiming not only the written gospel, but also the living gospel. May my life be a living testimony to all I am privleged to come into contact with. I pray you will do the same.

Apathy

Have you ever had those moments where you are suddenly brutally honest with yourself? I had such a moment today. I just want to say thank goodness for the grace of God. He has given me far more than I ever deserved and He continues to put up with me despite my regular short-comings. Anyways, I've been very apathetic of late about spiritual issues. This "apathy" has affected me more than I realized. I am in a relationship with my Creator and I take it for granted far too often. I'm not really sure why I'm apathetic, but I know that haven't made a decent effort of late to change things. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I can't change things, yet, I have this responsibility to uphold my part of this relationship. The book of James says that if I draw near to God, He will draw near to me. If I submit myself to God and resist the devil, he will flee. God has given me soo many promises through His Son, but I refuse to act upon them. So, what are the consequences? Well, my prayer life suffers. My devotional suffers. And even my relationships suffer. God says that if I am faithful in the smaller details of life, I will be faithful in the larger areas. That's scarry! Someday, by the grace of God, I will be husband and a father. I know some of you probably can't picture that, but God has given me the desire to someday have a family. I truly desire to be close to God! Maybe I've been relying on my own strength too much. I am only one man--emphasis on the "man". I'm stuck with this human/carnal/fleshly nature and it sucks. I just need to come back to the basics. Love Adonai with all my heart, mind, and soul! I feel like I'm in a state in which I'm waking up from a dream, but I'm only half conscious. I see glimpses of God and like what I see, but in reality, I'm not there yet. So, tonight I ask you--my brothers and sisters in Christ--to lift me up in your prayers. L'chaim! 

The Keys! Not sure it's worth the drive all the way there, but beautiful nonetheless.

 

A little canoeing at Weeki Wachee springs.

 

I give this trip a big "Butts Up"!

 

Sunset at Key West. Gorgeous!

 

A little fun with the gators.

 

Group pic at the beach in St. Augustine.

 

After driving all night, we decided to crash in the middle of this outlet mall parking lot. Would have been perfect had it not been for the stinkin' street sweeper!

 

REI...

Where do I start? Spring break is officially over in a rude way. I had reality check today when I went to my first class after break. That's such a dull feeling. But, I look at as one day closer to graduating this May and then it's off to Colorado for a second summer of guiding in the Rockies. That gets my blood stirring. I'm really pumped about getting back out there. It feels so much more fulfilling when you are working with groups every day and living outdoors doesn't hurt either. Oh yeah, all you REI members out there. How 'bout them dividend checks, huh? I'm already searching to see what I want to use my 20% off coupon on. I try to not let it go to waste. Sorry if you're not familiar with REI. It's probably best you keep it that way because they like to take your money in exchange for quality gear. Gear heads, anyone?

Check back later and I'll have some pics from spring break posted ;o)

Creatures of Habit

It's funny that we as humans are creatures of habit. We are always adament that we're ready for a change, but typically, that feeling is short lived. Let's face it, we like the familiar. But, at the same time, theres something about the unknown that intrigues us. It's sort of like when you're a little kid and your parents tell you not to do something. You know you shouldn't do it, but you're so curious that you can barely contain yourself and the next thing you know you find yourself doing the exact thing they told you not to do and you instantly feel the burden of guilt. Think about Adam and Eve in the garden. Same thing. God told them not to eat the apple (or whatever fruit it may have been) and the next thing you know, bamm, it's all over. But then there are plenty of examples of people who sort of lived within this balance of habit and wonder. I think of all twelve disciples. It was revolutionary what Jesus was doing. They literally left everything because they found a rabbi that believed in them. They were never good enough before, but somehow, this man believed they had what it took to be something. So, as we know, they left everything they knew and followed Yeshua. But, we know that after the crucifixion some would revert back to their former life of fishing. That's the point I'm trying to make! I know that personally, when all is going well and good, I am more than willing and happy and comfortable to follow my Master. Then something happens and before I know it I'm reverting back to my old ways. I hate that, but that's what we're humanly programmed to do. Living as a follower of the Way, I need to learn how to balance my life in such a way that I'm constantly immersing myself into the "unknown" of God so to speak and fight the urge to give up and become comfortable. I hope everyone can relate to what I'm saying. At the same time, we need to establish habits, such as prayer and meditating of God's word. This my prayer and I hope it is yours!

I strive, yet I limp...

Working in a secular environment is one of the most challenging things spiritually I have ever experienced. I've worked at Applebee's for five and a half years and it has by far been more of ministry than I ever intended it or imagined it ever would be. I've seen it all. The drugs, the parties, the sex, the sexual promiscuity, the humor, the explitives, the fun, the mad, the fights, the drama, oh the drama--never ending soap operas. I have to make a conscious choice each day I go to work to love. If you ever want to see the depravity of man, work in a restaurant for a couple of months and you will literally see it all. It hurts! It breaks my heart to see that people, real life human beings, have nothing to live for. They are searching for something to fill that void in their life that never seems to go away but only grow bigger and heavier. What's even more sad is that I have the answer to that void, and yet, I choose to do nothing about it half the time.
You see, I had a very rough night at work tonight. I went in at 3:45 in the afternoon as usual, no big deal. I just now got home and its nearly 3AM. Almost twelve hours later, I am sitting here still trying to sort things out in my head. God has really burdened me of late about being a genuine living testimony for Him. In order to do that I have to be who I am, the good and the bad. The bottom line is that I still have a sinful side of me that wins battles on occasion. It wounds so to speak. Tonight I am bleeding and it hurts. So, I ask all my fellow brothers and sisters in this family we call Christ to pray for me. I'm limping right now. I so strive to be a living testimony and a reflection of who Christ is! I cannot do this in my own strength. I feel as if God has given me a duty or responsibility to love those I work with. After all, how can I condemn them for serving their master faithfully? They are doing what they are programmed to do--sin. As a follower of the Way I want to be a living representation of my God and Master in their life. That's all that I can do, "for I am crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live, but Christ liveth in me." If everyone could do me a huge favor it would be much appreciated. Next time you go out to eat, really try to make your servers night. Leave a "good" tip and make their night in the love of Christ. You never know how much that may mean in their life. I've waited on church groups galore and if I weren't a believer already there's nothing I would be attracted to. That's sad! So, even if its only a couple of dollars more than you would normally give, try it. Servers do not forget those who treat them well. It is a reflection on you and ultimately God. Love you all! Good night!

Bath Towels and Paper!

Well, well! The semester is officially underway and off to a speedy start. I'm only taking twenty-three hours, so, it should be a breeze. They say that you're supposed to study two hours outside of class for every hour you take in class. So, lets do the math. Twenty-three hours times two equals, hmmmm, 46? I think I can swing it! Twenty-three hours of class time, forty-six hours of study time, twenty hours of work, and oh yeah, church. That equals over ninety hours of occupied time. I think that qualifies for being a full-time student. But you know what? When I walk across that stage come May (and yes I am walking saying I pass all of my classes), it will all be worth it. When Dr. A hands me that servant's towel, I will be like "yes, this is what I worked so hard for and paid $40,000 for--a bath towel." Amen? And oh yeah, a little piece of paper as well that makes me a credible person in our society.

Anyways, I really am excited about some of my classes this semester. I'm taking two freshman classes--Speech and Gospels and Acts. I finally have to take speech and there's no dropping it this time around. I am excited about looking into the Gospels and studying the life of Christ. It's so intriguing to study His life in light of the Jewish faith. Oh yeah, if anybody wants to check out a sweet website on Jewish perspectives of our faith, check out www.jerusalemperspective.com It's like $20 for a student membership, but it will rock your chacos or smartwools or Birks or Crocs or whatever you wear right off you feet.

Well, I have to go and study now (I wonder why?).

Peace and Love in HIM!

Itchy Feet and Little Freedom

Can you believe that we're already seven days into January? Blows my mind. I've been working like this entire break which is weird for me. I believe this is the first break from school that I actually haven't really gone anywhere. It's sort of refreshing in ways, but at times rather depressing. I love to travel. I love to go to other places. At the same time, I've enjoyed staying in WV and actually having a little freedom. I've been to Fayetteville at least once a week and I'm headed there tomorrow night once again. Some friends and I are going to Pies and Pints to get some pizza and some, well, anyways. Let's see, I suppose classes start on Wednesday. Killer semester, but hopefully the last. I've committed to go back to Colorado at least for the summer. I'm already getting itchy feet. It's a paradox. I miss the mountains here when I'm out there, but I miss the rugged peaks of the Rockies when I'm home. I guess you can't have both. I've really been missing Israel of late as well. Seeing all this news of Ariel Sharon makes me miss my friends in Israel. I need to get over there again sometime in the next year or so. Anyone up for hiking the Israel trail with me? It goes from the southern tip on the Red Sea all the way to the northern border with Lebanon. It can be done in about a month. So, if you have a month and you really don't know what to do with it, let me know and we could literally hike the entire country of Israel and hang out with some cool people along the way. We have to spend at least a few days in Jerusalem as well. That place rocks my Smartwools off (it's winter, otherwise it would be Chacos;o)

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy you're last few days of true freedom before school starts back. It's time to start planning for spring break. Any suggestions? It will probably be Florida this spring. Can't afford the gas to go to Vegas and the Grand Canyon. Florida can hold it's own, plus I know some people and all that jazz. Any other suggestions? Let me know! I'm always open for spontaneous trips. It definitely needs to involve camping and preferably warmer weather than WV which isn't saying much.