get busy living, get busy dying

Past regrets. Loneliness. Self-pity. These are all things that I have been familiar with the past few months. Lies have been rampant and I have subtly bought into them time and again. It struck me the other day, whether I was aware of it or not, that what it amounts to is unbelief. By wallowing in past regrets I’m not allowing the grace and forgiveness of Christ to transform and heal my heart. Why am I holding onto things that Christ has forgiven and no longer holds against me? “If you, O Yahweh, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.” (Ps 130.3-4) “Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom Yahweh counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit...I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to Yahweh,’ and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” (Ps 32.1-2; 5) “Bless Yahweh, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s...Yahweh is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Yahweh shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers we are but dust.” (Ps 103:3-5; 8-14) I must allow this truth to penetrate my heart and live in light of God’s forgiveness and grace. How can I be lonely when the Creator of the universe dwells within me and has chosen to place His presence through His Spirit into this broken vessel. God is Sovereign and faithful. No matter what He allows us to go through, He is Good. By believing the lies that I have been banished to a meaningless life is nothing more than unbelief. My Creator placed me on this earth for a purpose and that is to bring glory to His name no matter what the cost whether in times of blessing or loss. I believe that Christ can and does heal. At the end of the day this season is for my good and it is one more step in the process of sanctification that will eventually end in glorification. O how I long for the day when I will stand in His presence with the saints from all time. Sin will be no more and we will stand before Him perfect, clothed in Christ’s righteousness. Broken relationships will be no more and there will be perfect harmony between all people. Whatever has been broken in the past will be restored in the future. In the present, I must begin to live a life of faith and trust knowing that this world will always bring pain and hurt, but many times this is brought about by Christ in order to bring us to an end of ourselves. It’s time to take my eyes off myself and place them on Christ who reigns eternal as King Jesus! It’s time to step out in obedience and live a life that is marked by the sufferings of Christ and patient perseverance. My future and hope are secure. This is bigger than me and my comfort and happiness. I pray that my life will be marked by joy even in the midst of loss! Whatever I lose in this life cannot compare to what I have gained through Christ. I pray that I make much of Him and represent His unconditional, sacrificial, pursuing love to all I encounter. Eternal life begins now!

today. I die.

Today I die. I’m sick of living a half-hearted, apathetic, woe is me, wallowing in my own filth and sin, nominal, joyless, powerless, defeated life. When I read the descriptions of the patriarchs, the prophets, the apostles, and the saints throughout history, my so called faith is a joke. I live in fear, living a life of self-preservation. Following Christ is not about preserving this life or seeking to find happiness and identity in careers, material gains, comfort, relationships, and fame. In the words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, “When Christ calls a man, he bids Him to come and die.” The apostle Paul says that “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Ga 2.20) If this is true as I confess it to be, then my life should demonstrate this fact. If Christ laid down His life on my behalf and paid the penalty of my sin absorbing the wrath of God, then my flesh is dead. I died with Him and I now live by His Spirit. This life is fleeting and temporary and I don’t want to squander this opportunity to live a life of comfort and ease seeking to live out my pseudo, half-hearted, comfortable American Christianity. I am an ambassador of the Most High King Jesus and He has entrusted me with the only thing powerful enough to save fallen men--The Gospel of Jesus Christ. He asks me to do but one thing, take this to the nations and make disciples. Simple. Yet, I allow fear of death and persecution to keep me from taking this to the far reaches of the globe. I count my life of more value than those who have no hope. I’m not sure where or how this will play out in my life, but God is stirring in my heart. I’m ready to renounce all that I have held of value and take the Gospel to those who are unreached. I desire to send and mobilize teams of others who have counted this life as nothing and desire the eternal crown of glory that far outweighs this present suffering. There’s a very good chance I may die or preach the funerals of many who gave their lives to see the advancement of the Gospel. This is where the rubber meets the road. Am I willing to go? Will I lay down my life for the sake of Christ so that others may hear this message of salvation? I cannot do this in my flesh and it will take an act of grace and power of Christ in order to see this come to fruition. So, friends, I ask that you join me in prayer as I seek to live what Christ is beginning to do in my heart and life. Christ is all I have and at the end of this life, He is all that matters. For too long I’ve allowed the passing things of this world to grasp at my heart and it has taken a trial of immense pain and hurt to get me to this point in which I submit myself follow Christ no matter what the cost. Today, I pick up my Cross and I pray I never look back. There will be more to come as this is only the beginning. “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.” (Mk 8.35)

no suitable helper was found

“The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was found no helper fit for him.” Ge 2:20

Bruce Waltke, commenting on this verse, says the following:

“Why does God determine that it is not good for Adam to be alone and then give him animals? Should he not have given the woman first? In fact, Adam must realize that it is not good to be alone. Rather than squandering his most precious gift on one who is unappreciative, God waits until Adam is prepared to appreciate the gift of woman.”

Genesis: A Commentary, 89.

As many of you know, the past few months have been very trying and difficult for me in many ways. God has seen fit to allow me to go through this time, but there are many days that are brutal and it takes everything within me to keep moving forward. I fail far more than I succeed and more than ever before, I know the depth of my own sin and unworthiness apart from Christ.

Three years ago I had a dream. I was going to go to seminary, find a wife, have children, pastor a church, and live a life that was devoted solely to Christ. I had it figured out. This is what God had for me and nothing could stop it. Two years later, I find myself back in WV, half-way done with seminary, single, and spiritually broken in many ways. I admit, it’s difficult to see where God is taking this, but as a Christian we are called not to question God but live by faith and patiently wait for him to provide and deliver. God uses these times to test us and to see if our faith is genuine or merely spurious and circumstantial. But, that said, it is anything but easy.

I recently began making my way through Genesis and today I was studying the second chapter. The quote above really spoke to me as I meditated on the gift of woman. I think in many ways, this hit too close to home. Looking back, I wish I knew then what I know now. I believe that many of the trials I’m currently going through are for this very purpose. I’ve always had a fear of being alone, but I don’t think that I truly had a grasp on how precious it is to have a woman in your life that loves, supports, and cherishes you. Unlike Adam, I chose to squander this gift and was not prepared to receive this precious and valuable gift. I hope that I never have to go through the pain of losing someone I love ever again and like Adam I will be prepared to appreciate, cherish, sacrifice, protect, nourish, and hold this woman close to my heart. This is not the path I would have chosen, but I still have faith in a God who redeems our losses and heals our pain and wounds. He is gracious and merciful and whatever He ordains is for His glory and I must bear this Cross for however long He sees fit! After all, life’s circumstances are merely the furnace in which we are forged into the shape of Christ by the blows of loss and trials. I know that at some point relief and rescue will come, but for now I press on losing more faith in myself each day as I seek to place all my faith in Him.

here stand I

Justification. Grace. Acceptance. Reconciliation. Redemption. Propitiation. These are all words that describe different aspects of the atonement. As a human being, I am born into bondage and there is nothing that I can do in and of myself to buy, earn, or manipulate my standing before a holy God who has no choice but to punish my sin by means of His righteous wrath in order to uphold His justice. Every attempt to fix or manipulate my standing, cover up my sin, make excuses and shift the blame to something or someone else is futile. The eyes that pierce through all my efforts at pleasing God in my own strength will gaze into this empty, desolate heart and have no choice but to destroy my pride and lay me low until I accept the fact that I am nothing but dust and a spiritual beggar who is bankrupt and desolate. Whatever I have to offer God, must be provided by someone that is eternal and not born into this dark, desolate, wilderness. Wallow, self-pity, pride, self-righteousness, fear, anxiety, all drive me into a deeper despair. I trudge through this mire and attempt to appease this wrathful, vengeful judge but in the end it is nothing but dirty rags that have been tainted with my own blood and refuse. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I fall and when I think I’m finally upon my feet again I am faced with a chasm that is wide, deep, and dark. I plummet over the edge falling into an unknown and I keep reaching into the abyss hoping that something bigger than myself will reach out and grab ahold of my hand and pull me out of this hideous state. But if this is what it takes to lose all faith in myself, then praise be to God. May I become a spiritual beggar so that Christ may provide my righteousness. May I be cut deep so that Christ can heal and mend this broken heart. May I lose all faith in myself so that I may place all my faith in Christ. May He pour me out so that I may be filled with His Spirit. May he continue to chisel away at this heart of stone in order that He may replace it with a heart of flesh. May He take away all fear and give me His peace. Surrender. This is what Christ did in order to uphold both God’s justice and His mercy. The only solution was for the Infinite to enter into this finite world and for the Eternal to enter into the temporal. The Holy to become sin, take upon Himself the very wrath of a Holy, Righteous God who is light and in Him there is no darkness. In exchange, His mercy is upheld by giving us His Righteousness which is not our own. This is GRACE. He ransomed me from this desolate wilderness of endless, aimless, apathy. The price of my sin has been paid in full. Why do I dwell on my past sin and regrets while He remembers my sin and lawless deeds no more. I must accept His grace. If I don’t, then it is nothing less than unbelief. “For by a single offering he has perfected for ALL TIME those who are being sanctified.” There is no sanctification without justification. This is the road that all believers must travel. Life is bigger than our happiness and comfort. But there is still joy to be found in the midst of pain and suffering. We have HOPE! No matter what this life deals or how many times we fall, we have the promise that the Spirit is the seal and guarantor of our glorification. Although we gaze through a glass dimly, we will see Him with our very eyes face to face. When the voice of the Creator says “LIVE!”, this spiritual corpse receives life. When we face that last enemy, “that which is mortal will be swallowed up by life.” Eternal life is NOW for those who are in Christ. So, pick up your Cross Christian. You are a nomad and pilgrim in this world. Your citizenship is in heaven and you serve the King of all kings. You are His ambassador! Stand firm therefore and receive the grace of Christ into your life. Let it begin to produce the fruit of the Spirit. Love freely. Be gentle with one another and forgive even before someone sins against you. Cherish your relationships and when they are broken, do what you know to do to restore fellowship and be reconciled in Christ. As you look at the Cross, don’t ever leave it. When you turn from it, you are turning to something or someone other than Christ who gave Himself for you so that you may have life. Trust in your Maker who can turn what man intended for evil into good. There is nothing outside of His Sovereign control. Providence. Rest. Peace. We are broken vessels, but He is in the process of picking up the pieces one day at a time and some day we will be complete and with Him for eternity. Long for this day. Pain will cease. Hurt will be no more. Tears will be a thing of the past. Because our sin was infinitely offensive, the sacrifice of Atonement must be infinite as well. It took Christ, the Infinite Son of God to pay this infinite debt. Here I stand! Naked. Exposed. Bloody. Torn. The only solace that I find is in knowing that this is the only way to enter into Eternal life and as I look to Christ, I know that I find a High Priest who knows what is to be naked, exposed, bloody, and torn. He is the Resurrection and the Life. He who conquered Death, LIVES and we who were once dead have been found and given life and are more than conquerors. Believe it! Dispense this grace to others and no matter how dark the night may be, look to Him who is Light and know that joy will come in the morning!

growing pains

The past two months have been perhaps some of the most challenging of my life. I’ve experienced a gamut of emotions and my faith has been tested and stretched in ways that I’ve never encountered before. In the midst of the chaos, I’ve tried as much as possible to process and spend time in prayer and meditation to see exactly what God is teaching me. I’ve had times where I’ve battled and stayed strong, but at other times it feels as if I’m on the brink of a breakdown and have no one else to turn to. This is a season where I am confident that God is doing a work in me, but I would be lying if I said that I’m not ready for some relief.

So, heres my best effort at sharing some of what I’m in the process of learning. First, I’ve realized that I have a difficult time accepting grace. As much as I grasp what it is, it seems that I am always living a defeated life laden with guilt and regrets. I have no problem dispensing grace to others, but when I fall and confess my sin, I still feel condemned and tend to dwell on the past. I think I’ve traced this to pride in my own heart which stems from self-righteousness. When you view your standing in Christ as based on your own works and actions, then it is inevitable that when you fall you will have a hard time accepting grace. During this season, I have definitely learned the depth of my own sin and currently trying to learn to view it as a disease and not focus so much on “sins” which are merely the fruit produced by my own rebellious heart. I’m learning that there is no grace without justification. My salvation is based solely on the person and work of Christ. Period. If I don’t view myself as justified, then there is no accepting of grace. No matter how many times I fall, I must get up, go to the throne of grace, confess my sin, and begin to live in the victory that Christ has purchased through His blood on the Cross.

Second, I’ve learned that I am not in control of my life. After trying to change circumstances in my own strength, the results have been nothing less than futile and embarrassing. God simply asks us to submit and trust Him. This may sound simple, but in reality it something I battle every minute of every day. I must give my life over to Christ every day and die to my desire to fix things in my own strength. The flesh is very powerful. In fact, I believe that I am my own biggest enemy. Satan knows how to exploit my weaknesses, but ultimately it is my own heart that provides the final impetus. Satan and his minions are powerful, but they can’t make me sin. So, this battle between the flesh and the Spirit has been a constant along the way. The only way victory can be achieved is knowing that I can’t fight this battle, but Christ has and did and gained all victory on the Cross. I’m slowly learning to embrace the present and truly rest in the arms of Christ. This is the only place where true peace and joy can be found.

Third, I’ve learned to value true friendship and family. Through the midst of loss, it has a tendency to make you stop and appreciate those whom you still have. I’m learning the importance of embracing those relationships and freely dispense grace into others lives. In the past, I know I’ve had a tendency to be brash and was weak in the areas of gentleness and patience. True love produces relationships in which you can be honest and vulnerable. I’ve learned to not attempt to hide my struggles, but confess my sins to my brothers and pray through my struggles. In the past, I was too prideful to allow others to enter into my struggles. It has been very freeing not to have other men that I can go to and know that I will find mercy and grace.

Fourth, I’ve learned the power of hope. Many days all I wanted to do was retract from life and run from all the hurt and pain. I have experienced emotions that are stronger than any I’ve ever had in the past. I’ve learned that I have a tendency to suppress things and not deal with them in the open. This has made me more sensitive to others and their feelings. I’ve learned the value of fighting for what you believe in and to leave nothing on the table, but at the same time learning to let go and allow God to work. On my darkest days, there has always been the glimmer of hope. Hope is seen, but I know that in the end, I will be with Christ and be like Him for I will see Him face to face. No matter what happens in this life, that is the hope I have as His child.

Finally, I learned the importance of living a life that is utterly dependent on Christ and Christ alone. I believe that part of the reason I’ve gone through this season of pain and struggle is because Christ wanted me to learn that I must depend solely on Him and nothing else. My identity, security, joy, and purpose are found in Him and Him alone. In short, I’m a broken man and I know that it will take time to heal and each day I wake up, I must submit myself to His loving arms and pick up my Cross as I face another day that I have been blessed to live. I can’t change the past, I can simply focus on becoming a better man in the present through constantly examining and giving myself over to Him. I know that this is something that I had to go through and I pray that in the future I will be able to dispense grace to others who experience the same hurt and pain in this fallen world.

I’m not sure how long this season will last, but for now I’m beginning to embrace this time and by God’s grace I will come out refined and more like Christ! This is my prayer.

danny

I had an encounter tonight with a homeless man who has been frequenting my place of work. For some reason, my heart was especially moved with compassion for him and I just felt like compelled to go engage him and treat him like all the other customers. As he approached the counter, he took out a handful of change. I smiled at him and asked him how he was doing. His face lit up and he said he was tired, but hangin’ in there and went on to ask me about how my night was going. I told him I was tired too, but hangin’ in there and I was doing better than I deserved. He chuckled and turned around pointing to the back of his shirt. It said something along the lines of Extreme Jesus. It looked like it was from some church’s VBS. I said that’s right, you know what I’m getting at, right? He said he did and told me that God was soo much fun. After conversing for about a minute or so, I reached out my hand and introduced myself and asked him his name. “Danny”, he said. As he was walking away, I couldn’t help but think that most people simply see him as an outcast who is dependent on substances and an addict. Sure, I cold smell the alcohol on his breath, but at the same time I was convicted that he was still a human being who is a divine image bearer. The past few months have been very difficult for me in many ways, but I had to stop and count my blessings. Spiritually, in many ways Danny was the external manifestation of an inward spiritual reality that many of us feel at times. My heart was grieved when I imagined how alone he must feel. Who and when was the last time someone actually called him by his name. I’m sure that a lot of people stop and give him loose change or offer to buy him a cup of coffee, but how many people actually stop to engage him seeking to find out his story. After a few minutes had passed, he came up to me and wanted a piece of paper. I didn’t know what he needed it for, but after about ten minutes he brought it back up to me with a big smile. In crude handwriting it said: 1 Father, 1 Son, 1 Spirit, 1 Mike = 4ever together; Obey Ten Commandments. After I read it, I couldn’t help but smile. In addition, he gave me a little toy alien that glows in the dark. I couldn’t help but think of the parable of the poor woman who simply had two copper coins to put in the offering. She was poor, but gave what she had. Its as if he simply wanted to have someone in his life that he could give something to. Now, I’m not sure where Danny is spiritually and I’m sure that he has some addictions, but in many ways he reminded me of someone who has faith like a child. He challenged me to snap out of my own stupor and begin living a life of dispensing grace and unconditional love exhibiting the gentle, dove-like spirit that characterized Christ. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, but God used Danny tonight to give me a glimpse of the compassion and love that Christ has for us when spiritually we are going through a time of loneliness and poverty. I pray that even during this time that I will remain faithful in shedding the light of the Gospel into the hearts and lives of everyone I encounter!

an unknown hymn by John Newton

Not sure of the title of this hymn, but it really spoke to me.

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face,
‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer,
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair,
I hoped that in some favor’d hour,
At once He’d answer my request,
And by His love’s constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest.
Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart,
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea, more with His own hand He seem’d
Intent to aggravate my woe
Cross’d all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourd and laid me low.
Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt Thou pursue Thy worm to death?
It is in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith,
These inward trials I employ,
From self and pride to set thee free;
And brake they schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st seek thy all in me.

John Newton

filled with the Spirit

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Ga 5.16

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the the day of redemption.” Eph 4.30

What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit? I think that typically I used to think of it in terms of being filled up with something like pouring water into a jar. This, however, falls drastically short of what it actually entails. The Holy Spirit is not merely a force or power, He is a Person. I’m sure that most of us have experienced a time in our life when our thoughts are controlled or filled up with that special someone whom we love and cherish. In many ways, this person controls and dictates our thoughts and actions. Everything we do is filtered through the one we love. How will this affect them? You long to spend time with them. You desire to please them. In a very real way, your mind is filled with this person. In similar fashion, to be filled with the Holy Spirit means essentially the same thing. You take all your thoughts captive and you examine your words and actions in light of how it will affect Him. You desire to please him and long to spend time in the Word which was given by Him. You seek to know Christ better and more intimately. In short, the Spirit controls you and you are filled with Him. Furthermore, to put it negatively, we are commanded not to grieve the Holy Spirit. This can be done in many ways. When we fail to acknowledge His presence, it is hurtful. He is described as a dove that is gentle and meek. There is nothing more insulting to a person than to fail to acknowledge them even though you know them. Who hasn’t experienced the pain of knowing that someone saw you walking down the street, yet ignored you and went about their own way. This is how the Spirit must feel when we don’t acknowledge His presence. If we thought of sin in terms of hurting someone we love, then I think we would think twice before we acted on our fleshly desires. This is a constant battle that we each face every day of our life. Essentially, the flesh and the Spirit are in a battle for our minds. Will we fill it with temporary, fleeting things or will we acknowledge His presence and submit ourselves to His will and control? Each morning when we wake up we must be intentional and begin preaching to ourselves. We must remind ourselves “who” and “what” we are in Christ. “The trouble with us is that we do not talk enough to ourselves. We do not preach enough to ourselves; we all ought to be preachers preaching to that congregation that consists of self.” (MLJ) We must address ourselves like David, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” (Ps 43.5) My prayer for myself and others is that when we wake up each morning we begin our day by acknowledging God’s presence through His Spirit. The very presence of Christ dwells within us. Allow this Person to fill your mind and control your words and actions throughout the day. Spend time with Him through the reading and studying of His Word. Take time to pray and expressing your praises as well as your trials. Being filled with the Spirit is not merely a passive exercise. We are commanded to “work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you , both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Php 2.12) Along with Paul, our supreme desire should be “to know [Christ] and the power of His resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in His death.” (Php 3.10) Christ sent us the Spirit in order to reveal Himself to us, to make Himself real to us and to show us what He has done on our behalf. The Spirit always testifies about Christ. May we be filled with the person of the Spirit as He molds us more and more into the image of Christ.

the living dead

One can only truly live after he has accepted the fact that he is already dead. It’s a fundamental disposition. We deserve nothing and everything we have is a gift from God. We are born totally depraved and even our good deeds are still tainted with sin. Death is not something that most people like to dwell on. But why is it that we spend so much time in preparation in planning for our futures, but we rarely prepare ourselves for death. After all, it is the only certain thing that we will each have to face. For the believer, death is the last enemy, but we have already been given eternal life. Although we die physically, spiritually we have already been resurrected. We possess even now the benefits of eternal life. When Christ died, He absorbed the wrath of God in my place. The old man died with Him. So, why do we fear physical death? I admit that I experience anxiety and fear at times when I think about facing this last enemy. I think what it comes down to is a lack of faith and unbelief. If I truly believe that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, then why fear? I believe that this fear is the root cause of most other fears in life. Why is it that we are not going into hostile countries that hate Christ? Is because we may die for advancing the Gospel? Is this such a bad thing? I admit, I’m not there yet. I have many fears and weaknesses. I selfishly look for ways to serve Christ, yet hold on to my comforts. The Christian life is not a comfortable life! If we are not standing up for the rights of those who are unborn and the injustices that occur for the poor and the weak, then who will? Yes, you will be hated and it may even cost you your life! But we are already dead! They may kill our bodies, but who can touch the one who is safe in the arms of Christ. I know this isn’t something fun to think about, but lets face it. We’re selfish and care more about this life than the life to come. Wherever the true Gospel goes forth, there is always persecution. We don’t want to engage in Kingdom work because we’re too complacent and self-consumed. We’d rather sit on our butts and waste our God-given time doing absolutely nothing that furthers the Kingdom of Christ. We are the center of our universe. If we are to share in the sufferings of Christ, we have to give this fear to Him. This isn’t something that we can naturally produce within ourselves. Nothing but the grace of God can produce this sort of outlook. Dear Christian, we have hope! Hope that is seen is not true hope. “Let not your heart be troubled! Believe in God and believe also in me.” If you truly accept the fact that you are dead, then there is nothing in this life that can phase you. You will boldly go forth, with your face set like flint engaging the enemy and proclaiming the Good News of the Gospel. Fear no man! Fear only God who has promised to welcome you into His presence. We are merely pilgrims, strangers, sojourners in this world. This is not our home. The more we pound this into our heads, the closer we are to arriving at this position! O God, help my unbelief. May we join hands and hearts as a band of brothers in this cause! Death is not something that we intentionally seek out, but we must be prepared to face this enemy if this is the result of bringing the Gospel to those who are enmeshed in the kingdom of Darkness. O God, may we renounce our foolish desires for a life of comfort and ease. “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead and Christ will shine on you.” This world is far more wicked and dark than we ever imagined. Don’t succumb to the lies of the enemy that seeks to woo our souls to serve fleeting things that will all pass away. Security does not lie in material things but in Christ who gave Himself for us! Let’s live each day to the fullest and be willing to answer the call to die so that we may truly live!

accepted in Christ

“How marvelous that we, worms, mortals, sinners, should be the objects of divine love! But it is only ‘in the beloved.’ Some Christians seem to be accepted in their own experience, at least, that is their apprehension. When their spirit is lively, and their hopes bright, they think God accepts them, for they feel so high, so heavenly-minded, so drawn above the earth! But when their souls cleave to the dust, they are the victims of the fear that they are no longer accepted. If they could but see that all their high joys do not exalt them, and all their low despondencies do not really depress them in their Father’s sight, but that they stand accepted in one who never alters, in one who is always the beloved of God, always perfect, always without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, how much happier they would be, and how much more they would honour the Saviour! Rejoice then, believer, in this: thou art accepted ‘in the beloved.’ Thou lookest within, and thou sayest, ‘There is nothing acceptable here!’ But look at Christ, and see if there is not everything acceptable there. Thy sins trouble thee; but God has cast thy sins behind His back, and thou art accepted in the Righteous One. Thou has to fight with corruption, and to wrestle with temptation, but thou art already accepted in Him who has overcome the powers of evil. The devil tempts thee; be of good cheer, he cannot destroy thee, for thou art accepted in Him who has broken Satan’s head. Know by full assurance they glorious standing. Even glorified souls are not more accepted than thou art. They are only accepted in heaven ‘in the beloved,’ and thou art even now accepted in Christ after the same manner.”

-Charles Spurgeon

I read this earlier this evening and it really spoke to me. Whenever I have spiritual struggles or I fall into some sort of sin, I have a tendency to beat myself up even though I genuinely repent. The key lies in seeing ourselves as being accepted in Christ. The enemy is subtle. We battle against our own flesh, the world, and the Devil who first tempts us to sin, then he condemns us for sinning and loads us with guilt deceiving us from going before the Throne for forgiveness, restoration, and cleansing by the blood of Christ. When we stop viewing our standing as a matter of what we do and start believing in what Christ has done, then we will be freed from this performance based religiosity from the pit of hell. This doesn’t mean that we can simply excuse our sin or that there won’t be consequences. However, if we truly realize our acceptance in Christ, then this will act as the most powerful defense against falling into temptation. Although the battle is fierce and the temptations are real and there will be times that we will all fall, go to the Cross. Confess your sin. Repent and rest in the Blood that was shed for you!

“Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom Yahweh counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit...I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to Yahweh, and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” Ps 32.1-2, 5

decay

I am my own biggest idol. I worship self. I constantly make sacrifices to fulfill my godless passions and desires. I passionately pursue things that will make me acceptable. This acceptance feeds my ego. In turn, this produces pride which is the root of all sin. I present by body, mind, and spirit as a living sacrifice to myself. Pursue whatever brings me pleasure. Who cares if it is offensive to a holy God. It’s all about me and what makes me feel loved, accepted, and valued. So I kill the Spirit. I embrace the smaller ‘idols’ in order to worship the Idol, known as self. Even when I pursue and worship other idols, it’s simply for the purpose of fulfilling my own desires to be loved. I desire to be made much of. The insecurities, the lies, the doubts...Do whatever it takes to self-medicate. Don’t face reality. Money, lust, status, these are what you crave. This will make you complete. Do whatever it takes. Who cares about who you hurt or damage along the way. This is about me. I’m my own god. I pursue God because he endorses my desire to be made much of. But in the end, there is nothing but pain, hurt, decay, agony, torture, torment, desolation, emptiness, vacuity, and an abyss that festers and putrefies into an unbearable stench. Like all idols that are dead and have no ability to truly see, hear, feel, or think; seeing I do not see, hearing I do not hear, feeling I do not feel, and thinking I do not think.

Perhaps this is what it means to be given spiritual eyes. Not only to see God for who He truly is, but also to see my own state and how wicked, depraved, sick, immoral, iniquitous, vile, and corrupt that I really am. It’s not until I accept this reality that I can fully grasp how much I need Christ. I am a man who is weak, lustful, insecure, prideful, covetous, and desperately in need of rescue. The more I truly see Christ, the more I begin to truly see myself and it is not pretty.

“O Holy Father! Please give me spiritual eyes to see Your Holiness and myself for who I really am. Give me spiritual ears to hear your Word. Give me the mind of Christ to discern your truth. Help me by God’s grace to keep myself from idols, the biggest idol being myself. Fill my heart with the love of Christ. Give me the grace to live this life in such a way that brings you glory. And by seeing you, give me the ability to make much of you. Help me to die to Self and live by the power of the Spirit. Let there not be one nanosecond in which I am not aware of your Presence. This is eternal life. That they may know you the only true God and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. Help me to know you. Help me not to wallow in past sin that was nailed to the Cross. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Give me the grace to see your Glory. Give me a hunger and a thirst that only your Word can fill. Keep me from temptation. Guard my heart. May I be steadfast, unmovable, and relentless in putting to death the deeds of the flesh by the power of the Spirit. May I find my joy, acceptance, and happiness in You. Resurrect this dead corpse and help me to live as the new creature that I am.

“Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.” Amen. (Ps 61.1-3)

smoking flax

Christian. Why are you cast down? When trials come and your faith is tested, count it pure joy. You are sharing in the sufferings of Christ. When you feel all alone and the flame that once was has dwindled to smoke, remind yourself that "A smoking flax He will not quench." The fact that there is smoke proves that there is at least a smoldering coal that is producing the smoke. Allow Christ to fan this coal into a raging fire that refines your very being. Look to the Cross, Christian. Gaze upon Him who was made sin for you! Stand in awe at the greatest act of love the universe has ever witnessed. Remember the power of the resurrection. Christ triumphed over sin, death, and Satan! You have the freedom now NOT to sin. You owe no debt to the flesh. You have been transferred from the kingdom of darkness to the Kingdom of Light. You are on a mission sent as an ambassador of King Jesus entrusted with a message of Good News that is the only hope for you and those who remain in the bondage of sin. Christian, there is an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs the present trial you are experiencing. You already possess eternal life. Fear no man who can destroy the body, but fear Him who can destroy both body and soul in hell. Die every day! The old man has been crucified with Christ. You have been raised with Him to new life. Press on! Even though you fall, get back up on your feet and pick up your Cross. The war is over, but the battle rages on. A fighting soldier is a living soldier. The fact that you are fighting proves that you're alive. The battle is fierce, but the King is the Ancient of Days and rules with a rod of iron. You are more than a conqueror clothed in the righteousness of Christ, adopted as a child of God. So take every thought captive. Slay the deeds of the body. Renew your mind every day. Present your body as a living sacrifice. Love passionately. Seek the good of others. Seize the day. Rejoice in the Lord always. Be gentle and patient with one another. Pray fervently. O Christian, you are more wicked than you ever dared believe, but more loved than you ever dared hope for.

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever." Ps 73.25-26

the opportunity of a lifetime

“This will be your opportunity to bear witness.” Luke 21:13

As I was making my way through the Gospel According to Luke last week, this verse struck me like a ton of bricks. So many people assume that Christianity is an easy, feel good, soft, warm and fuzzy, life. They’ve been taught that as long as they repeat the prayer and say the words that they will get to go to heaven. They’re whole perception of coming to Christ is because He makes much of them. They’re more in love with the gifts than the Giver. It’s all about them and their happiness, comfort, and status. After all, who wouldn’t want the “Good Life”? If this is what Christianity is, then sign me up! This is called spurious faith. When times get tough and God doesn’t bend down to meet their demands, they’re gone!

One of the major themes running through Scripture in general, the NT in particular is the role of suffering in the life of the true Christian. Wherever the true Gospel goes forth, there is always a backlash from the enemy. Just a cursory reading of any of the four Gospels will reveal that Christianity is not the “Good Life” that so many envision it to be. In short, it is a life of pain, suffering, and trials. To make matters more complicated, the struggle is both internal and external. The flesh “wars” against the Spirit and the Spirit “wars” against the flesh. We are called to die every day. It is suffering that typically reveals whether or not our faith is genuine or spurious. The true believer embraces suffering as an opportunity to make much of Christ!

So, what is the opportunity that Jesus says we will have to “bear witness”? In verse twelve, He says, “But before all this they will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up in the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake.” He continues in verse 16-19 saying, “You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you they will put to death. You will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your lives.” How much more explicit could Christ be? I know that many of us have never faced persecution in America, but could it be because our lives are so assimilated to the culture that there is no visible difference? The apostle John says that the “whole world lies in the power of the evil one.” If this is the case, then this includes America. It doesn’t matter what our heritage is, if the true Gospel is lived out, we will suffer! Paul tells Timothy that “all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.” (2 Ti 3:12)

I know that persecution and suffering doesn’t always come in physical forms, but I do believe that we are living in a world that is just as fallen, wicked, and depraved as the days of Christ. I know that in the immediate context Christ was addressing His disciples, but the Bible is always relevant because the heart of man and the heart of God have not changed. I’m not saying we need to seek suffering just for the sake of suffering. But in the end, if we’re not experiencing some sort of pain, suffering, or persecution, I think it’s a great opportunity for self-examination. The Christian life is radical! You’re either in or your out. There’s no in between. I pray that God may give us the grace to see with spiritual eyes as we face new battles every day and that by enduring we will gain our lives!

ashes remain

As tough as the past few months have been, I don’t want to let this time go to waste. In the midst of change and loss, so often we have the tendency towards self-pity and we end up just wallowing in our own muck. I know that it is very important to take the time to grieve and to mourn, but at some point we must face reality and rise from the ashes. That said, the past few days I have been pondering some very basic questions. I believe that many times in the Christian life, we tend to miss the forest because of the trees. We become so consumed in our hurt, pain, and loss that we don’t take the time to see things from an eternal, vertical perspective. In the West, we tend to view ourselves as facing the future. The past is behind us, so the key when trials and suffering come is to simply forget the past and look to the future. The ancient Hebrews, however, viewed themselves as facing the past. They constantly held their history before them and they knew that the same God who had been faithful, loving, and patient with them, would continue to do so as they “backed” their way into the future. I know that Paul says, “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Php 3.13-14) There is a sense in which we are to be striving toward the future and what lies ahead in the victory we have in Christ. But I think what happens many times is we simply write the past off altogether, throwing away the good with the bad. I believe it is healthy to examine your life and hold the past before you and see how God has been good, faithful, loving, and patient with you. This same God who is your Father and loves you intimately is the same God who will do the same in the present and in the future. Furthermore, I believe one of the main keys is to constantly look back to the Cross. If we are intentional about holding the Cross before us, we will constantly have a picture of what true love looks like. It will produce humility as we hold our murdered Savior before our eyes. As we look at His mutilated, battered body, we know the cost of our sin.

I don’t want to simply forget my past. Healing involves not simply dealing with the evils we have suffered, but also the sins we have committed. If I truly believe that God is sovereign, then I must stop in all circumstances and examine myself. So, it is my hope that over the course of the next few weeks, months, or even year to enter into an intense time of examining what it looks like to be a man of godly, Christ-like character. How can I learn from past mistakes and regrets in such a way that God uses them to change me for his glory? There are many different pictures that the Bible uses to describe Christ. He is at one and the same time a valiant King, who is strong and righteous, and just, but He is also a Shepherd who is gentle, and loving, and patient. It is my prayer that I as I begin to look into the Truth of Scripture, that it will transform me into a man of character. I pray that someday I will be a worthy groom who has risen from the ashes to love his bride with the same love as Christ loves His church. I know that in the grand scheme of things, it is only the grace of God that can change this heart and that I will never be perfect until I see Him as He is. In the meantime, however, I want to press on to know Him more and as I gaze at His holiness that it will transform me into a man after His own heart. Let the healing begin...

life: a divine comedy

I believe that one of the biggest battles that we face each day is to not fall into the trap that this world is all there is. So much of the Christian life is determined by your mindset. We are engaged in a battle every second of every day against an enemy that is seeking to fight for our minds and get us to believe the lie that this is all there is. I’ve had a lot of time the past few months to sit in silence. At times, I’ll admit, it really freaks me out. It really forces you to take an honest look at your life, the world around you, and the circumstances that surround you. When things are taken away from you and you are left with a fraction of what once was, you begin to examine yourself and sometimes what you find is not so pretty. So often in the business of life, we attempt to feel our time with busy schedules, road trips, social media, and a plethora of other things that fight for our attention. I’ll be the first to admit that I have been guilty of sacrificing my time for all of the above. Honestly, I think a big reason that we seek these things is that we cannot handle the silence and are scared of what we might find. There is a void that we seek to fill with people or things other than Christ. So much of our identity is wrapped up in this world. We don’t take the time to stop and see what we really are in Christ. This is not something that comes natural to us. Even Paul says, “for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” (Php 4.11) Hence, we have to learn to be content in any situation. This has been a constant struggle for me and I know that God has brought me to this point so that I can learn to be content with Him and Him alone. As I look back on life, I can attest that nothing is certain. People change, circumstances change, and the only constant we have is our Rock, Christ Jesus. If we find our identity, security, or meaning in anything else, then we are doomed to be disappointed.

How then are we to engage in this battle called life? A lot of people view this life as tragedy. In literature, a tragedy moves from a wonderful beginning to a horrible ending and there is no resolution. As we journey through life and reality sets in, dreams are dashed, relationships are broken, and eventually we all face death. If the Bible ended with the Fall, then by all means this life would be tragic. But this is how we so often live our lives even as believers. We act as if this is it! We fail to realize that full scope of the Bible is not tragedy, but comedy. In the classical sense, a comedy begins on a high note, moves toward despair, and ends triumphantly. This is what the Gospel is all about. We were created as perfect beings, meant to live in fellowship with God and each other. With the Fall, however, despair and death entered the world. The Good News is that the story ends triumphantly for those who are in Christ. This is what the Cross is all about. When Christ died, He conquered sin, Death, and Satan. He died the death that we deserved to die and lived the perfect life that we cannot live. The story of life ends in triumph for those who are a part of His Kingdom. The enemy tries to get us to view this life as a tragedy, and without Christ it is!

When we face loss and pain in this life, we should stop and ask the question, “What are you trying to teach me through this Lord?” Many times we don’t have the all the answers and at times we may not ever know all the purposes that are in the mind of God. I think we rarely stop and ponder the fact that there is a whole other dimension in which our lives are on display. Take Job for instance. Really, God proved Satan wrong at Job’s expense. As far as we know, He was never let in on what was truly going on between God and Satan. As God’s children, we each play a leading role in this EPIC adventure called life. For all we know, the angels are enthralled as they watch our lives, waiting to see how things unfold in this gripping drama. Paul says, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” (1 Co 13.12) It is in the midst of loss that our faith is truly tested and refined. Each morning when we wake up, we have a choice to make. Are we going to view this life as a tragedy or the comedy that it truly is? No matter the circumstances, no matter the loss, as children of God, we have the hope that the ending of the story ends triumphantly, not in tragedy.

I wish that I would have taken this more to heart, but there is nothing I can do to change the past. I must now rest in the fact that I have a warrior King who loves me passionately and gave His life for me. I stand cleansed from past sin and He is molding me more and more into His image. His grace is sufficient for every circumstance and I am commanded to worship Him and praise Him even in the midst of loss. He has been nothing but good to me and He loves me so much that He was willing to discipline me so that I do not lose sight of the eternal purposes. As I think of my life being on display, I pray that I remain faithful and engage in this epic battle knowing that whatever happens in this life, I can say that I fought the good fight and finished the race! To hear Him say, “Well done, Michael, my good and faithful servant!” will far outweigh any loss or pain that I experience in this life. May this forever be my prayer!

a war and a wedding

“The message of the Bible teaches us that life is a war and a wedding. Life is a war--a grand adventure in which God calls us to die daily. Life is a battleground--an epic quest to join God in the ultimate defeat of his archenemy--Satan. Life is a wedding--a passionate romance in which Christ calls us to love intimately. Life is a battle for our love--the ageless question of who captures our heart--Christ or Satan.”

R. Kellemen, Soul Physicians: A Theology of Soul Care and Spiritual Direction, 15.

I read this quote earlier today and I couldn’t help but pause and meditate on this truth. I think over the past few months, I have definitely experienced the spectrum between war and love. I always had the desire to love, but I never realized how hard the battle would actually be. Furthermore, I tried to fight in my own strength which is futile. This is the epitome of pride. Instead of dying in order to live, I decided to wage my own battle and ran headlong into a wall of grief and tragedy. Like a loving Father, God eventually had to intervene and say ‘enough is enough.’ I cannot and I will not bless sin. You are attempting to live life in the flesh and this is producing nothing but grief, strife, and eventually death. So, the chastening begins. Like any soldier, we must go through training and discipline before we are fit to engage in battle. If we enter into this war called life in our own strength, we are bound to fail miserably.

One passage that has really spoken to me of late is Hebrews 12:5-12. It says:

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Although I didn’t realize it at first, I can pretty safely say that I have experienced an intense season of disciplining from my Father. I’m honest enough to say that it is not a fun-filled experience and probably one of the harder things I’ve ever faced in life. But, in the grand scheme of things, I know that it is for my good. This was in His plan to make me stop and realize some things that I had not dealt with. You see, sin does not merely effect you, but it has both a vertical and a horizontal dimension. It is always first and foremost an insult against God and His holiness and secondly there is always a ripple effect. If we are His children, God will not allow us to continually insult His holiness or hurt those around us that He has placed within our lives to love and care for. He is much more concerned about our holiness than our happiness. Many times the only way we can experience true joy, love, and holiness is if we are first made aware of the depth of our sin and flesh and how much Christ has done for us. We must first lose all faith in ourselves before we can place all of our faith in Christ. If we do not respond to the positive teaching through the Word, then God has no choice but to discipline us and train us to engage the battle through His strength not our own. Life is a war.

But life is also a wedding. I remember a time when I desired nothing less than to be a man of character and represent Christ to all whom I encounter. I prayed fervently that He would give me the opportunity to share His love through a relationship that would hopefully end in marriage. The opportunity has since come and gone, and somewhere along the way, I took my eyes off of Christ and placed them on myself. And when you take your eyes of Christ, you no longer have the ability to truly love others. You stop sacrificing and begin to serve yourself. The results are tragic. I relied on my own strength and like any idol, at some point it must all come crashing down. I really wish things would have worked out, but I know that God in His purposes had other plans. I think I now know that there is never love without death and there is never peace without fighting for it. Although the pain of past regrets and failures are still very real, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m beginning to gain back that passion and fire of becoming a man of character. I’m finding the joy of redemption and forgiveness in Christ. I long to become a man who exhibits the characteristics of a Kingdom citizen as taught in the Sermon on the Mount. I desire to produce the fruit of the Spirit that leads to life and peace rather than the fruits of the flesh that lead to death. All of this is a battle, but the war must be waged. If we are going to experience the passionate romance that Christ has called us to live out with our bride, we must first experience with Him.

O God, may you give me the grace to fight so that I may love!

i thank God

I thank God for the pain, it let’s me know I’m alive. I thank God for the wounds, it’s only then that He can heal. I thank God for the trials, that He sees fit to refine me. I thank God for the loneliness, therefore I can have sweet fellowship with Him. I thank God for uprooting me, for I know now that my plans are not my own. I thank God for the chastening, for He disciplines His children He calls His own. I thank God for pressing me, for only then can the corruption ooze out of me. I thank God for the tears, now I know that I can feel. I thank God for knowing her, but now I know how it feels to lose the only one I've ever loved. So long friend, may God use you mightily for His Kingdom!

spectacular repentance

Manasseh. Many know this king of Judah to be the most wicked in Israel’s history. In fact, it is recorded that he “has done more evil than all that the Amorites did, who were before him, and has made Judah also to sin with his idols.” (1 Ki 21.11) For starters, after his father Hezekiah died, he began a reform of that can only be described as malicious, violent, bloody, and abominable. He rebuilt all the sacred high places that his father had destroyed and erected altars for Baal and Asherah. The worship of these idols included such acts as ritual prostitution in order to arouse the god so that he may ejaculate his seed in the form of rain on the earth. Furthermore, it is recorded that he offered his own sons in child sacrifices. He continued in this tirade by setting up altars for all the host of heaven in the temple of Yahweh. Frequently, he consulted mediums and necromancers, dabbling in all sorts of wicked practices. Tradition holds that it was Manasseh who was responsible for sawing the prophet Isaiah in half. It is recorded that “Yahweh spoke to Manasseh and to his people, but they paid no attention.” (2 Ch 33.10) There can not be a more dark, bleak, evil description of the nation than what has just been described. We are talking apostasy on a national scale that is manifesting itself in egregious sins that most would find nothing less than nauseating. A picture of the human heart when sin is allowed to show what it is truly capable when it goes unchecked. Depravity on full display. And yet....

I have to admit that I never knew this because I have typically skipped reading Chronicles to my loss. I learned a valuable lesson on why it is important to read through the entirety of Scripture. If you only read the account of Manasseh in Kings, you will miss out on quite possibly one of the most spectacular accounts of repentance and forgiveness recorded in Scripture. It is recorded in 2 Chronicles 33 that as a result of this apostasy that God brought the Assyrians to capture Manasseh. They would end up taking him away with hooks and chains to Babylon. “And when he was in distress, he entreated the favor of Yahweh his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his Fathers. He prayed to him, AND GOD WAS MOVED BY HIS ENTREATY and heard his plea and brought him again to Jerusalem into his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that Yahweh was God.” (2 Ch 33.12-13) I was speechless. I never knew this. I couldn’t believe what I had just read. This man who had done more wickedness and evil; who had killed his own sons in brutal, vulgar sacrifice; had killed the prophet Isaiah; who set up idols in the very Temple of God; he repented. And what’s more, God forgave him!

This is a beautiful account of God’s mercy and grace. You see, Manasseh is really a paradigm of the human heart apart from God in all its fury. We are all capable of such sin and in fact Christ teaches in the sermon on the mount that if we are angry with our brother, then we have committed murder in our hearts. Don’t think for one minute that our sin is not that bad. This is a very accurate picture of the depth of sin and what it is capable of. This is really a beautiful account of the Gospel! The Good News! We are all in need of deliverance from this disease called sin. Like Manasseh, we must humble ourselves before God and acknowledge our true state. It is only by the person and work of Christ that we have forgiveness!

I couldn’t help but think of how many kings started out well, but finished apostate. And yet, hidden away in the back of Chronicles is this beautiful, spectacular account of a wicked man that is forgiven by a gracious, merciful God. Truly remarkable!

take this heart of stone

Where do my affections lie? What is it that truly moves my innermost and sets my heart ablaze? It seems as if it has been so long since I have felt the heat of a burning flame. This heart of stone is calloused and hardened, longing to be released and transformed into a life of passion and purpose. If I claim to love my God and my maker, then I should just as passionately hate what He hates. Sin should not reign in this body. My desire should not be to please this flesh. Please, O God, give me spiritual eyes so that I may see you! Give me spiritual ears that I may hear you! Ressurrect this spiritual corpse from spiritual death that I may be fully alive and living unto you. Do not allow my faith to be of a spurious sort. Do not allow my desires to be about this physical, material life. Create a new heart within me. Take this heart of stone and shatter the sin that dwells within it. Do not allow me to leave the bloody ground of the Cross. If this does not move my affections; if beholding Christ’s battered, distorted, bloodied, bruised and mingled body does not move me then nothing will. I am a pilgrim, a sojourner, looking for peace. I am wondering through this life aimlessly, treading a path to the abyss of Sheol. There are not road signs. Directions have been hijacked. I roam in circles. Every now and then I capture a glimpse of a hill with what appears to have a tree erected upon it. But the fog rolls into the dark valley and I become lost once again. Every once in a while I will capture a flicker of light that appears to be coming from that same hill, but then it fades as I wonder deeper into this chasm. The harder I search and the more I attempt self-rescue, the more it becomes apparent that I do not have what it takes. I give in to the temptations and the lies. Who am I? This is not who I am. I have been bought for a price. I am not my own. I have been ransomed from the pit of hell and transferred from this kingdom of darkness to a Kingdom of Light. My citizenship is in another world. It is my task to live as a Kingdom ambassador to those I encounter along this cold, dark, eerie path called life. I have been given a message to proclaim: good news to those who are spiritually poor and bankrupt; to bind up the wounds of those whose hearts have been broken; to open the prison of those who are spiritually oppressed by the enemy; to proclaim that this is the year of the LORD’s favor! O God, if this does not move my affections, then what will? Why am I bound by past guilt when there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ? Why do I allow the fear of the future to control me when you are the Sovereign Lord and there is not one single inch of this world that you say, “Mine! And I rule it!” Although the victory has been won, the battle wages on. Help me to see the risen Christ who conquered sin, death, and Satan by His atoning death. This is the only thing that can save such a damned sinner as myself. My sin is so great that it took the God-man to die in order to redeem my life and soul from Death. If this does not move me, nothing will! O God, I pray that you give me holy affections and passions for You. Do not allow the things of this world to distract me from the straight and narrow path that leads to your Kingdom! Even though I have not seen you, please give me spiritual eyes to see you and love you, that I may believe in you and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory. Allow my muted tongue to become spiritually alive that I may sing from the depths of my being, “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty; who was and is and is to come! Worthy are you, our Lord and God to receive glory and honor and power, for you created ALL things, and by your will they existed and were created. Worthy are you to take the scroll and open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth. Oh the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.” Please God, help me to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. I do not deserve to breathe the next breath. There is nothing good in me, save Christ Jesus. Even the good things I do were prepared ahead of time in Christ Jesus that I may walk in them. Press on to know the Lord! Give me spiritual thirst and spiritual hunger. Allow this famine to pass. Burst forth with the rivers of living water, gushing forth from the spring of life. May your bread fall from heaven and may your Word never cease to be my guide and my strength. When all around me fall and forsake me, let me cling to your mighty right arm that brings salvation for your people. Oh God, slow to anger, yet abounding in loving kindness and mercy. You will not allow sin to go unpunished and you punished my SIN in the death of your son and have given me His righteousness. I have been adopted and can now call you Abba Father! If this does not move me, then nothing will! I feel so alone, yet I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. You have wounded me so that you may heal me. Restore to me the days of my youth. The time that I have wasted, may I give it back to you immeasurably. Into your hands I commit my Spirit! The saint must walk alone. If this doesn’t move me, then what will? Take this heart of stone....

awake, O sleeper

Miracles. The eternal breaking into the present. A physical manifestation of a spiritual reality. The Gospels and Jesus will not make any sense at all until you come to the realization that He did not come first and foremost to perform miracles. You see, He was first and foremost about reaching people at the heart level. The reason people didn’t get him then or get him now is they fail to realize that Christianity and the Gospel is first and foremost about the heart. The miracles were simply a physical manifestation of a inward spiritual reality. For instance, when Christ healed the lame man at the pool of Bethesda, he was among a multitude of invalids who were blind, lame, and paralyzed (Jn 5). If He came simply to heal people of their physical disease, then why did he only choose one man. The dire conditions were a physical reminder that spiritually we are all lame, blind, and paralyzed in need of healing. You see, Jesus was about the heart and individuals. He chose this one man who had been there for thirty-eight years and he healed him. Jesus would heal a man who was born blind from birth; spiritually we are all born blind and thus we need spiritual eyes to see who Christ truly is. In addition we are all born spiritually deaf in need of spiritual ears to hear. Like Lazarus, we are born spiritually dead, a corpse rotting and decaying in the tomb with no life. Hence, we need to be resurrected in a spiritual sense in order to truly live. All of these miracles are a picture or symbol that Jesus was using to teach a spiritual reality.

The majority of those who witnessed the miracles, however, failed to grasp these truths. They were thinking strictly on a physical, material level. So, when Jesus feeds the five thousand in John 6, they want to take him by force and make Him king. It’s high time that the Messiah arrive and destroy the hated Romans. He gives us free food. Look at all the things he can give us. Material. Physical. By the end of the chapter, Jesus brings hard truth and says, “Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man, and drink his blood, you have no life in you....When many of his disciples heard it, they said, ‘This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?’” When Jesus was providing for their physical needs they were all about him, but the minute He brings hard truth and draws a line in the sand, “many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.” Why is this? Hard truth exposes motives. They wanted the gifts, but not the Giver. So long as Jesus was about feeding them, healing them, and meeting their physical needs, they were all about him. They could’t come to terms that Jesus was about the heart. Christ then turns to the twelve and asks them, “Do you want to go away as well?” Peter replies, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” Two groups, two totally different responses. The crowd, who was ready to take Him by force, walks away. The Twelve, where else will we go?

Why do I write all this? I’m concerned that there are many today who have placed their faith in a Jesus that serves them and their physical material needs, rather than making Him the object of their faith. There is such a thing as spurious faith. Simply repeating words in a prayer like some magical chant is not saving faith. You can even believe that Christ lived, was crucified, and rose again but still fail to have saving faith. Like the seed that falls on the stony ground, you may begin well, but when hard truth comes your “faith” never took root and you immediately fall away. You desire the gifts, but not the Giver. Even the demons believe in God and shudder. You must place your faith “IN” Christ. This means that even when times are tough and you may be tempted to walk away, you put your big boy pants on and say, “To whom will we go?” Christ must be the object of your faith. Anything less, is spurious.

Our spiritual state is so bad, that we are compared to lame, blind, deaf, paralyzed, and ultimately, dead corpses. We are in desperate need of a miracle. This miracle is described in the new birth! This occurs when God gives us His Spirit and through the hearing of the Good News of the Gospel, Christ says “LIVE!!!!” and we are resurrected and given spiritual eyes to see and spiritual ears to hear! Christ gives us a new heart and takes our heart of stone. We are given a new disposition and nature that is described in terms of a new creation. EVERY TIME A SPIRITUALLY DEAD PERSON COMES TO CHRIST IT IS A MIRACLE! The eternal has broken into the present! The image and name of Christ have been sealed upon our hearts. THIS IS SAVING FAITH!

“Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine in you.” Eph 5.14

terminal illness

I have been diagnosed with a disease that will ultimately lead to my death. When, I’m not sure, but death is imminent. You see, I suffer from a disease called sin. It’s genetic and I inherited from my parents. Yes, it has been in the family for as long as we can trace it. This diseases manifests itself in many different symptoms. Sometimes it is obvious to those around me and at times it appears to be in remission. I have tried to treat this disease on my own many times and in many different ways. Sometimes I go into denial and act as if I’m not sick. Other times I try to hide the fact from others and put on a false front. After all, I don’t want others to view me as weak. Then, at times the reality sets in and I’m able to see how sick I really am. I’ve even tried treating the symptoms. You know, whenever this disease manifests itself in the forms of pride, lust, greed, or take your pick, I simply fool myself into thinking that if I can only manage the symptoms, then the disease will go away. Unfortunately, after I manage to get one under control for a brief time, many others manifest themselves in many different forms. This disease appears to be ingrained in my very essence. I’ve tried everything to try to get rid of this on my own, but it only seems to rage back with a force that is unbearable. Thus, I begin to wallow in this disease as reality sets in. I’m going to die, so why not eat, drink, and be merry? There is no cure. It appears that this is it. So I limp...

After giving up long ago, I received word that there is a man who claims that he has the cure for this disease I suffer from. Apathy set in long ago, but I decided to give it a shot. There’s nothing to lose, right? As my name is called, I catch my first glimpse of him. There is nothing that stood out to me as far as his looks go, but when we made eye contact I could since that there was something different about this doctor. He had a gentle smile and He had a scar in the palm of each hand which was definitely noticeable. He asked me to sit down and then he began to speak.

“Child, I want you to know that I have already diagnosed the problem. In fact, I am very familiar with this disease. I’m going to be honest with you because I love you too much not to give you the truth. This disease will end in death. You see, long ago your first parents were very healthy until they made a fatal choice. They chose to eat the fruit of a tree that was strictly forbidden. The result was this disease which you now carry. This disease is unrelenting and it separates and forbids you to ever enter into the presence of the King. It blinds your eyes so that you can’t see and it deafens your ears so that you cannot hear. It dulls your nerves so that eventually you will become numb and unable to feel. Child, you are more sick than you ever realized and the reality is that without the cure, you will spend not only this life, but eternity in separation from the King. You see, he set out the rules very clearly and his standard is nothing less than perfection. You will never be able to cure yourself. No matter much you try to treat the symptoms or fix yourself you will fail every time. This disease is way too powerful.”

At this point I begin to shed tears. “Then how can I be cured? I’ve tried everything. It seems like the harder I try the more it rears its nasty head. At times the pain is unbearable and I’ve been offered many different types of pain killers but it just comes roaring back. I’m hopeless and destitute. Who can heal me? Who can heal me.....”

As the tears streamed down my face, I feel a gentle hand lifting up my chin. Then I hear him speak, “Child, I have good news if you wish to receive it. Long ago before you were even born I knew that you would suffer from this disease so I came up with a plan. You see, I am just as much human as you are, yet when I was born into this world, I was not tainted with this disease. My Father and I arranged it so that my birth would be supernatural. I was conceived by the Holy Spirit even though my mother was a virgin. This is the only way it could happen. As I began to grow I was exposed to this disease many times by that crafty Serpent who deceived your parents. Thankfully I was able to defeat it with the Words that are written in the Sacred Book. You see, I lived among others just as yourself. I saw the horrors of this disease and the symptoms manifested in the worst of forms. I healed some along the way, but I really came ultimately for one purpose. I did not step out of my eternal glory to simply be an example to be followed. I did not come simply as a moral teacher. You see, child, I came to die! These scars on my hands are only a glimpse of what truly happened.” He paused for a second, then he lifted his shirt and pointed to his side. “You see this hole in my side? This is from a spear that the soldier thrust under my ribs piercing my heart. He wanted to make sure I was dead.” He then lifted his robe and showed me his feet. I couldn’t help but notice the stripes on his back as he turned back around. “Child, I did this for you! You deserved to be punished and killed for this disease you have. The King cannot simply ignore it. You must be healed in order to enter his presence. I knew you were hopeless, so I took your disease upon myself and died the death you deserved to die. The physical was nothing compared to the separation I had to endure from my Father. He could not bear to look at me. He had no choice but to turn His back and pour out His wrath upon me. This is the only way the disease could be eliminated. So I drank it to the dregs! It is finished!”

At this point I begin to weep even harder. “But I can never repay you! I can’t keep the rules, I’ve tried. I’m destitute and bankrupt!” He gently puts his finger to my lips and says, “Shhh.....hush child. You’re exactly where you need to be to receive the cure. You see, it’s a gift! A free gift! All you must do is receive it. I’ve done everything. You see, the grave could not hold me. After three days I rose from it destroying death once and for all. This is the first-fruits that guarantees your resurrection. If you but receive this gift, you will live! But if you reject it, then I have no choice but to pour out my wrath on you and banish you from the presence of the King for eternity. You can either accept that fact that I bore the wrath for you or you will have to bear this wrath yourself, for eternity.”

I look up at him with wet eyes and I said, “Please, I am yours. Rescue me from this disease! I repent of all the times I tried to cure myself and look to other things for false relief.” With a smile on His face, He says “Child, I give you my righteousness. You are now fit to enter into the presence of the King! Now, before you leave I want you to know that I have chosen you to proclaim this Good News to others. You are not the only one who suffers from this disease. If you love other people, you will tell them the reality of this horrible disease. Don’t simply treat the symptoms giving them a false since of hope. Proclaim and declare to them the diagnosis. They are fatal! Love them enough to give them the only cure and send them to me. Now go into all the world and proclaim this!”

From that day on I have not been the same. This disease will still eventually cost me my physical life, but it will be the release into the presence of my King. He will then return one day to raise me to life once again. This is the Hope I have. Life only began when I found I was already dead! Now I must proclaim this message of Good News until He comes!