The Christian life is a life of paradox. It never ceases to amaze me how much of my life is spent as a total lie. I have labeled myself a "Christian" or "Little Christ" if you will, but I rarely live as if Christ were an active part in my life. I think I've mastered the art of appearing as if all is well as it should be and God is good and I have the perfect life public and private et cetera, et ctera. By God's grace, I still can minister and touch lives by His Spirit that indwells me, but I soo strongly want to be at the place where I can honestly take a look at my life and say that I am giving it my all to fight the good fight, to finish the race, to be transparent, and to actually live out what I teach and proclaim. There's a Latin phrase that says esse quam videri or to be rather than to appear or seem. I'm at the point in my life where I'm sick and tired of trying to be someone that I'm not. Guess what, I'm still a sinner. I still live as if I'm in bondage. I choose to go back to the very things that Christ set me free from. Why? I cannot figure it out. I can spend my whole life analyzing the "how to's" and "follow-this-model" and the "five steps to having a perfect fulfilled Christian life" garbage! Guess what, there is soo much more to being a believer than all these man-made formulaic bull-crap equations. I feel as if we have narrowed the Bible down to a mere book and have imposed our Western mentality of formulas and equations and models to the point where we don't know how to manage an actual real-life relationship with Christ. Not only is He God, but He's also a person who can relate to us in every form and has experienced every type of temptation know to man. The Bible actually says that He can sympathize with us. Now that is mind-blowing--we have an actual relationship with The God who can actually put His arm around us and just hold us and say that He knows what we are going through. In fact, not only does He know what we're going through, but He also tells us it is our job to represent Him to unbelievers so that they can see Him in us! Grace, grace. That's the only thing that is keeping me from certain damnation and separation from God in hell. He has given me soo much and I choose to proceed with my own worldly passions and greed in spite of all He has done. Who am I trying to impress? My focus needs to be on how can I live my life each and every day so that I don't miss the opportunities for others to see Christ! I've allowed my life to become a "me" centered gospel, rather than Christ centered. It's time that I start becoming transparent in all areas and realize that Christ already sees me with Him in eternity and that I have a citizenship that is not on this earth, rather I am an ambassador of a greater kingdom and this is merely a temporary dwelling place in which I have been called to share with others the living gospel of my Lord Jesus Christ.
"Father, I confess that I have not been living the gospel of late. I have been living one way in public, while my heart has been far from you. May this be the first step to representing you in a way the is true and give me the passion to live out the life of Christ to each and every person I come into contact with each day. You have given me soo much more than I deserve. May I never forget what you've done and what I've been called to do, Amen!"
