here stand I

Justification. Grace. Acceptance. Reconciliation. Redemption. Propitiation. These are all words that describe different aspects of the atonement. As a human being, I am born into bondage and there is nothing that I can do in and of myself to buy, earn, or manipulate my standing before a holy God who has no choice but to punish my sin by means of His righteous wrath in order to uphold His justice. Every attempt to fix or manipulate my standing, cover up my sin, make excuses and shift the blame to something or someone else is futile. The eyes that pierce through all my efforts at pleasing God in my own strength will gaze into this empty, desolate heart and have no choice but to destroy my pride and lay me low until I accept the fact that I am nothing but dust and a spiritual beggar who is bankrupt and desolate. Whatever I have to offer God, must be provided by someone that is eternal and not born into this dark, desolate, wilderness. Wallow, self-pity, pride, self-righteousness, fear, anxiety, all drive me into a deeper despair. I trudge through this mire and attempt to appease this wrathful, vengeful judge but in the end it is nothing but dirty rags that have been tainted with my own blood and refuse. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I fall and when I think I’m finally upon my feet again I am faced with a chasm that is wide, deep, and dark. I plummet over the edge falling into an unknown and I keep reaching into the abyss hoping that something bigger than myself will reach out and grab ahold of my hand and pull me out of this hideous state. But if this is what it takes to lose all faith in myself, then praise be to God. May I become a spiritual beggar so that Christ may provide my righteousness. May I be cut deep so that Christ can heal and mend this broken heart. May I lose all faith in myself so that I may place all my faith in Christ. May He pour me out so that I may be filled with His Spirit. May he continue to chisel away at this heart of stone in order that He may replace it with a heart of flesh. May He take away all fear and give me His peace. Surrender. This is what Christ did in order to uphold both God’s justice and His mercy. The only solution was for the Infinite to enter into this finite world and for the Eternal to enter into the temporal. The Holy to become sin, take upon Himself the very wrath of a Holy, Righteous God who is light and in Him there is no darkness. In exchange, His mercy is upheld by giving us His Righteousness which is not our own. This is GRACE. He ransomed me from this desolate wilderness of endless, aimless, apathy. The price of my sin has been paid in full. Why do I dwell on my past sin and regrets while He remembers my sin and lawless deeds no more. I must accept His grace. If I don’t, then it is nothing less than unbelief. “For by a single offering he has perfected for ALL TIME those who are being sanctified.” There is no sanctification without justification. This is the road that all believers must travel. Life is bigger than our happiness and comfort. But there is still joy to be found in the midst of pain and suffering. We have HOPE! No matter what this life deals or how many times we fall, we have the promise that the Spirit is the seal and guarantor of our glorification. Although we gaze through a glass dimly, we will see Him with our very eyes face to face. When the voice of the Creator says “LIVE!”, this spiritual corpse receives life. When we face that last enemy, “that which is mortal will be swallowed up by life.” Eternal life is NOW for those who are in Christ. So, pick up your Cross Christian. You are a nomad and pilgrim in this world. Your citizenship is in heaven and you serve the King of all kings. You are His ambassador! Stand firm therefore and receive the grace of Christ into your life. Let it begin to produce the fruit of the Spirit. Love freely. Be gentle with one another and forgive even before someone sins against you. Cherish your relationships and when they are broken, do what you know to do to restore fellowship and be reconciled in Christ. As you look at the Cross, don’t ever leave it. When you turn from it, you are turning to something or someone other than Christ who gave Himself for you so that you may have life. Trust in your Maker who can turn what man intended for evil into good. There is nothing outside of His Sovereign control. Providence. Rest. Peace. We are broken vessels, but He is in the process of picking up the pieces one day at a time and some day we will be complete and with Him for eternity. Long for this day. Pain will cease. Hurt will be no more. Tears will be a thing of the past. Because our sin was infinitely offensive, the sacrifice of Atonement must be infinite as well. It took Christ, the Infinite Son of God to pay this infinite debt. Here I stand! Naked. Exposed. Bloody. Torn. The only solace that I find is in knowing that this is the only way to enter into Eternal life and as I look to Christ, I know that I find a High Priest who knows what is to be naked, exposed, bloody, and torn. He is the Resurrection and the Life. He who conquered Death, LIVES and we who were once dead have been found and given life and are more than conquerors. Believe it! Dispense this grace to others and no matter how dark the night may be, look to Him who is Light and know that joy will come in the morning!

growing pains

The past two months have been perhaps some of the most challenging of my life. I’ve experienced a gamut of emotions and my faith has been tested and stretched in ways that I’ve never encountered before. In the midst of the chaos, I’ve tried as much as possible to process and spend time in prayer and meditation to see exactly what God is teaching me. I’ve had times where I’ve battled and stayed strong, but at other times it feels as if I’m on the brink of a breakdown and have no one else to turn to. This is a season where I am confident that God is doing a work in me, but I would be lying if I said that I’m not ready for some relief.

So, heres my best effort at sharing some of what I’m in the process of learning. First, I’ve realized that I have a difficult time accepting grace. As much as I grasp what it is, it seems that I am always living a defeated life laden with guilt and regrets. I have no problem dispensing grace to others, but when I fall and confess my sin, I still feel condemned and tend to dwell on the past. I think I’ve traced this to pride in my own heart which stems from self-righteousness. When you view your standing in Christ as based on your own works and actions, then it is inevitable that when you fall you will have a hard time accepting grace. During this season, I have definitely learned the depth of my own sin and currently trying to learn to view it as a disease and not focus so much on “sins” which are merely the fruit produced by my own rebellious heart. I’m learning that there is no grace without justification. My salvation is based solely on the person and work of Christ. Period. If I don’t view myself as justified, then there is no accepting of grace. No matter how many times I fall, I must get up, go to the throne of grace, confess my sin, and begin to live in the victory that Christ has purchased through His blood on the Cross.

Second, I’ve learned that I am not in control of my life. After trying to change circumstances in my own strength, the results have been nothing less than futile and embarrassing. God simply asks us to submit and trust Him. This may sound simple, but in reality it something I battle every minute of every day. I must give my life over to Christ every day and die to my desire to fix things in my own strength. The flesh is very powerful. In fact, I believe that I am my own biggest enemy. Satan knows how to exploit my weaknesses, but ultimately it is my own heart that provides the final impetus. Satan and his minions are powerful, but they can’t make me sin. So, this battle between the flesh and the Spirit has been a constant along the way. The only way victory can be achieved is knowing that I can’t fight this battle, but Christ has and did and gained all victory on the Cross. I’m slowly learning to embrace the present and truly rest in the arms of Christ. This is the only place where true peace and joy can be found.

Third, I’ve learned to value true friendship and family. Through the midst of loss, it has a tendency to make you stop and appreciate those whom you still have. I’m learning the importance of embracing those relationships and freely dispense grace into others lives. In the past, I know I’ve had a tendency to be brash and was weak in the areas of gentleness and patience. True love produces relationships in which you can be honest and vulnerable. I’ve learned to not attempt to hide my struggles, but confess my sins to my brothers and pray through my struggles. In the past, I was too prideful to allow others to enter into my struggles. It has been very freeing not to have other men that I can go to and know that I will find mercy and grace.

Fourth, I’ve learned the power of hope. Many days all I wanted to do was retract from life and run from all the hurt and pain. I have experienced emotions that are stronger than any I’ve ever had in the past. I’ve learned that I have a tendency to suppress things and not deal with them in the open. This has made me more sensitive to others and their feelings. I’ve learned the value of fighting for what you believe in and to leave nothing on the table, but at the same time learning to let go and allow God to work. On my darkest days, there has always been the glimmer of hope. Hope is seen, but I know that in the end, I will be with Christ and be like Him for I will see Him face to face. No matter what happens in this life, that is the hope I have as His child.

Finally, I learned the importance of living a life that is utterly dependent on Christ and Christ alone. I believe that part of the reason I’ve gone through this season of pain and struggle is because Christ wanted me to learn that I must depend solely on Him and nothing else. My identity, security, joy, and purpose are found in Him and Him alone. In short, I’m a broken man and I know that it will take time to heal and each day I wake up, I must submit myself to His loving arms and pick up my Cross as I face another day that I have been blessed to live. I can’t change the past, I can simply focus on becoming a better man in the present through constantly examining and giving myself over to Him. I know that this is something that I had to go through and I pray that in the future I will be able to dispense grace to others who experience the same hurt and pain in this fallen world.

I’m not sure how long this season will last, but for now I’m beginning to embrace this time and by God’s grace I will come out refined and more like Christ! This is my prayer.

danny

I had an encounter tonight with a homeless man who has been frequenting my place of work. For some reason, my heart was especially moved with compassion for him and I just felt like compelled to go engage him and treat him like all the other customers. As he approached the counter, he took out a handful of change. I smiled at him and asked him how he was doing. His face lit up and he said he was tired, but hangin’ in there and went on to ask me about how my night was going. I told him I was tired too, but hangin’ in there and I was doing better than I deserved. He chuckled and turned around pointing to the back of his shirt. It said something along the lines of Extreme Jesus. It looked like it was from some church’s VBS. I said that’s right, you know what I’m getting at, right? He said he did and told me that God was soo much fun. After conversing for about a minute or so, I reached out my hand and introduced myself and asked him his name. “Danny”, he said. As he was walking away, I couldn’t help but think that most people simply see him as an outcast who is dependent on substances and an addict. Sure, I cold smell the alcohol on his breath, but at the same time I was convicted that he was still a human being who is a divine image bearer. The past few months have been very difficult for me in many ways, but I had to stop and count my blessings. Spiritually, in many ways Danny was the external manifestation of an inward spiritual reality that many of us feel at times. My heart was grieved when I imagined how alone he must feel. Who and when was the last time someone actually called him by his name. I’m sure that a lot of people stop and give him loose change or offer to buy him a cup of coffee, but how many people actually stop to engage him seeking to find out his story. After a few minutes had passed, he came up to me and wanted a piece of paper. I didn’t know what he needed it for, but after about ten minutes he brought it back up to me with a big smile. In crude handwriting it said: 1 Father, 1 Son, 1 Spirit, 1 Mike = 4ever together; Obey Ten Commandments. After I read it, I couldn’t help but smile. In addition, he gave me a little toy alien that glows in the dark. I couldn’t help but think of the parable of the poor woman who simply had two copper coins to put in the offering. She was poor, but gave what she had. Its as if he simply wanted to have someone in his life that he could give something to. Now, I’m not sure where Danny is spiritually and I’m sure that he has some addictions, but in many ways he reminded me of someone who has faith like a child. He challenged me to snap out of my own stupor and begin living a life of dispensing grace and unconditional love exhibiting the gentle, dove-like spirit that characterized Christ. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, but God used Danny tonight to give me a glimpse of the compassion and love that Christ has for us when spiritually we are going through a time of loneliness and poverty. I pray that even during this time that I will remain faithful in shedding the light of the Gospel into the hearts and lives of everyone I encounter!

an unknown hymn by John Newton

Not sure of the title of this hymn, but it really spoke to me.

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face,
‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer,
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair,
I hoped that in some favor’d hour,
At once He’d answer my request,
And by His love’s constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest.
Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart,
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea, more with His own hand He seem’d
Intent to aggravate my woe
Cross’d all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourd and laid me low.
Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt Thou pursue Thy worm to death?
It is in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith,
These inward trials I employ,
From self and pride to set thee free;
And brake they schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st seek thy all in me.

John Newton

filled with the Spirit

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Ga 5.16

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the the day of redemption.” Eph 4.30

What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit? I think that typically I used to think of it in terms of being filled up with something like pouring water into a jar. This, however, falls drastically short of what it actually entails. The Holy Spirit is not merely a force or power, He is a Person. I’m sure that most of us have experienced a time in our life when our thoughts are controlled or filled up with that special someone whom we love and cherish. In many ways, this person controls and dictates our thoughts and actions. Everything we do is filtered through the one we love. How will this affect them? You long to spend time with them. You desire to please them. In a very real way, your mind is filled with this person. In similar fashion, to be filled with the Holy Spirit means essentially the same thing. You take all your thoughts captive and you examine your words and actions in light of how it will affect Him. You desire to please him and long to spend time in the Word which was given by Him. You seek to know Christ better and more intimately. In short, the Spirit controls you and you are filled with Him. Furthermore, to put it negatively, we are commanded not to grieve the Holy Spirit. This can be done in many ways. When we fail to acknowledge His presence, it is hurtful. He is described as a dove that is gentle and meek. There is nothing more insulting to a person than to fail to acknowledge them even though you know them. Who hasn’t experienced the pain of knowing that someone saw you walking down the street, yet ignored you and went about their own way. This is how the Spirit must feel when we don’t acknowledge His presence. If we thought of sin in terms of hurting someone we love, then I think we would think twice before we acted on our fleshly desires. This is a constant battle that we each face every day of our life. Essentially, the flesh and the Spirit are in a battle for our minds. Will we fill it with temporary, fleeting things or will we acknowledge His presence and submit ourselves to His will and control? Each morning when we wake up we must be intentional and begin preaching to ourselves. We must remind ourselves “who” and “what” we are in Christ. “The trouble with us is that we do not talk enough to ourselves. We do not preach enough to ourselves; we all ought to be preachers preaching to that congregation that consists of self.” (MLJ) We must address ourselves like David, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” (Ps 43.5) My prayer for myself and others is that when we wake up each morning we begin our day by acknowledging God’s presence through His Spirit. The very presence of Christ dwells within us. Allow this Person to fill your mind and control your words and actions throughout the day. Spend time with Him through the reading and studying of His Word. Take time to pray and expressing your praises as well as your trials. Being filled with the Spirit is not merely a passive exercise. We are commanded to “work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you , both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Php 2.12) Along with Paul, our supreme desire should be “to know [Christ] and the power of His resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in His death.” (Php 3.10) Christ sent us the Spirit in order to reveal Himself to us, to make Himself real to us and to show us what He has done on our behalf. The Spirit always testifies about Christ. May we be filled with the person of the Spirit as He molds us more and more into the image of Christ.