twenty-nine

Today, I turn twenty-nine years old. As I reflect back on this past year, it is filled with memories of pain, hurt, and loneliness. In many ways, it was one of the toughest years of my life, but through the midst of pain and loss, I can honestly say that God is faithful. Many times, life’s trials are the crucible in which our hearts are tested and refined. We can praise Christ in the good times, but our faith is tested in the difficult times. It is through fire that our lives are placed on the anvil as God pounds us more into the image of His Son. I can now look back and thank God for all that He is doing and continues to do in my heart. Although the pain was real and there are still some days that are difficult, I know that He has a purpose and there was and is a lot of junk in my heart that needed to be dealt with. It was in the midst of this brokeness, however, that I learned many valuable lessons that I pray that I never forget. Here is my best effort to share some of what I have learned:

GOD DOES NOT BLESS SIN: Unfortunately, in my stubborn and obstinate heart, I had to learn this the hard way. God will always receive glory, but He will never bless sin. When we claim the Name of Christ, we are called to live a life of obedience and holiness. Not out of duty, but out of love and gratitude for what He has done for us. There are always consequences of our sin and I paid heavily for my unrepentant heart.

GRACE IS TO BE RECEIVED NOT ONLY DISPENSED: I learned through the midst of my struggles that I easily dispensed grace to others, but had a difficult time receiving grace into my own life. I believe this stems ultimately from pride because I want to fix things and sew fig leaves to cover my shame and guilt. But, like Adam, this is never the solution. God must be the one to provide the sacrifice and blood must be shed. At the Cross, God provided the ultimate sacrifice in His Son Jesus and it is through His shed blood that I am counted righteous. I am learning to accept this as a free gift and rejoice in this fact!

REGRETS FROM THE PAST AND FEAR OF THE FUTURE PARALYZE YOU IN THE PRESENT: To this day, I have many regrets for decisions I’ve made and for not leading well in other areas of life. I believe that it is healthy to take an honest assessment of your failures, but at some point you have to move on and accept the grace and forgiveness of Christ. I know that I have a tendency to beat myself up and wallow in my past. Was it sin? Yes! But Christ died for that sin! It’s the same with the future. When we focus either on past regrets or we fear the future, we simply miss out on the present and all that God is teaching us.

LIFE IS MORE ABOUT OUR HOLINESS THAN OUR HAPPINESS: This is a tough lesson to learn, but a very important one. Life is ultimately about bringing glory to Christ and this is usually displayed through suffering and pain more than blessing and prosperity. This past year, I experienced deep loss, but it was through this situation that I realized the depth of my own sin and just how desperately I needed to be rescued from myself. It drove me to the Cross and for this, I am thankful!

Although there are many more things I could share, these sum up the major life lessons that I have learned over the course of this past year. This life is tough and the more prepared we are to face the realities of living as broken people in a jacked-up, fallen world, the more effective we will be in facing life’s trials. The Cross is the only solution that deals with the problem of evil and sin, yet upholds God’s mercy, grace, and love. I pray that over this next year I will continue to grow in whatever Christ has for me. Each day, I pray that I die to myself and pursue the only source of true happiness--Jesus. I thank God for each of you that He has placed in my life! I pray that we are able to connect at some point over the course of this next year!

Michael