Since my time of arrival here in Korea, my heart has been grieved and broken for both the abuse of women and the failure of men to fulfill their God-given duty and responsibility to protect, provide, and sacrifice for our ladies. I live in what amounts to the adult entertainment district in my city and prostitution is rampant. I have been solicited at least three times since my arrival and cannot even ride the elevator in my apartment building without being bombarded with business cards of call girls and advertisement for prostitution. Just this morning as I was leaving my apartment, I could hear the loud screams and cries of a woman in a dispute with her husband or boyfriend.
All sin is an offense against God and his holiness, but some ‘sins’ are especially grotesque in demonstrating the horrendous nature of this disease that we all possess. Sexual assault is rampant throughout the world. One in four females have or will be assaulted in their lifetime and one in six males will experience some form of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, the perpetrators involved in most cases are either relatives or acquaintances. The results are often tragic and traumatic, sometimes lasting a lifetime. In addition, many women are enslaved through sex trafficking against their will. Sadly, in most cases the abuse has little to do with fulfilling sexual desire, but is more about dominating and controlling an individual through an abuse of power.
God created men to be protectors and providers. He created the woman from his rib, close to his heart to be loved and under his arm to be protected. However, since the fall, men have failed over and over at protecting and loving women. God gave men women as a gift to be cherished, not as a possession to be abused. He created men to sacrifice for them, placing their needs before their own, not to take from them for their own gratification and lusts. Since the fall, most men tend to be passive in not protecting the women God has given them, or domineering and overpowering. Both extremes are equally bad and do not contribute to ending sexual assault. On the one hand, the passive men are not taking the lead in protecting our ladies. On the other hand, many domineering men are the ones who are responsible for the abuse. It is high time that men, especially those who claim the name of Christ, begin to fight to protect our ladies and not simply turn a blind eye to all the abuse that is so prevalent. This is not a problem that is isolated to any one country or part of the world. So, where do we begin?
I want to speak specifically to the men, although, I believe that the ladies can gain from this as well. Men, I know that we are living in a world where we are absolutely bombarded every day with images of the sexual nature. I am in no way immune and I have definitely had my fair share of struggles in resisting temptation. Even if you haven’t succumbed to temptation, Jesus says in Matthew 5 that if you’ve looked at a woman with lust, then you have committed adultery with her in your heart. Basically, he levels the playing field and says that we are all adulterers. What man hasn’t had a moment of weakness in which he has looked to long or allowed his imagination to run free. Like all sin, the result is a skewed and distorted way in which we view women. Women are not merely tools or objects to fulfill our sexual desire. They were created in the image of God with dignity and honor. Out of all creation, only she was found to be a suitable match for man. Every time you look at a woman with lust or view pornography or sexually explicit material, you are participating in the propagation of destroying the way in which women should be viewed. Behind every picture or movie, there is a real human soul that has probably experienced a life of abuse and neglect that has resulted in them willing to sell their bodies and dignity. This should grieve our hearts to the core. We should develop a holy hatred for all such sin and pray that God gives us spiritual eyes to see the horrendous and heinous nature of such depravity. It should break our hearts to see a woman abused and treated as nothing more than an object. If you begin to view women for who they really are as God see them, then I think it will serve as a huge impetus to fight temptation. I know in my own life and through my own struggles that nothing has served me better than developing and cultivating a God-honoring, biblical view of women.
Men, we would serve ourselves well to seek to understand the nature of the female heart. God created her with the desire to be pursued, loved, protected, and sacrificed for. Christ should serve as our ultimate example in seeking to make this a reality. He demonstrated his love for His bride, the Church, by making the ultimate sacrifice of giving his life for her. If called upon, each of us should be willing to lay down our life. He pursues even when we don’t want to be pursued. Like a delicate glass, He is always gentle and never overbearing. We should demonstrate this same love to the women he has given us. Think of it this way. When God blesses you with a woman, he has entrusted her to you. You are responsible for demonstrating Christ’s love to her and for her. That is a huge responsibility and not something to take lightly. It is the most precious gift that He could ever give a man. Do not squander the opportunity. You are never more masculine than when you understand and lead the way that God intended you to lead. Study her. Romance her. Lead her. Love her. Pursue her. Pray for her.
Once you cultivate a biblical view of women, it is time to take up arms and start fighting against sexual abuse in all forms. I am no expert and by no means a perfect example, but I know that the Gospel is the only thing powerful enough to combat sin and bring positive change to the world. Everything else merely slows the decaying process. Part of the reality of living in a broken and fallen world is that this will be a continual battle. We must be willing to go into the trenches and shine the light of the Gospel into the broken and shattered lives of the abused. It’s not glamorous, but they need to be rescued. Christ saved and rescued us while we were at our worse. How much more should we be willing to give our ourselves for the sake of those trapped in bondage and abuse. You can begin by simply praying for those around you. Every night when I’m walking home and I see these women, sometimes even on the same elevator, I just pray for them that God will deliver them from the bondage. My heart grieves as I long to see them set free. There are other avenues and many great organizations out there, but I believe that it has to start with each man coming to terms with his own God-given role and responsibility to nurture and cultivate a biblical, Christ-centered, Gospel-driven, sacrificial, love for all women. Your responsibility is to love your wife first if your married. If your single, then you should begin and pray that you are able to stay pure. All women are God’s daughters and when you fall into temptation you are also sinning against your future wife. Pray, pray, pray! And when you find that girl that you want to pursue, don’t play games with her heart. Ask men that you respect to pray for you and when the time is right go for it. It’s never easy, but you will serve her better by letting her know where you stand. If you’re not sure, stay away from her!
In closing, I just want to mention one more thing to my brothers. If you’ve messed up, dropped the ball, fallen into temptation, or even been a perpetrator of some form of abuse, you are not outside the grace of God. Is it sin, yes! But Christ died for that sin. Come to Christ and cry out to him with a heart of repentance and you will be made clean. That’s not to say that there won’t be consequences--emotional, physical, etc.--but the penalty of that sin has been paid by the blood of Christ. There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Don’t allow the enemy to paralyze you with guilt and shame. Conviction is from the Holy Spirit and leads to repentance. Guilt and shame is from the enemy and leads to wallowing in sins that are forgiven. I would recommend finding a brother and seeking some counsel, but please come to the Cross where there is always forgiveness!
I pray that each man will examine himself and allow the Gospel to change your life and mind from the inside out to become the men that God has created us to be! Press on, brothers! It’s a tough, broken, fallen world, but our ladies need us.
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